The Silent Majority And Politics

I am reading Woodward and Bernstein's All the President's Men. It is okay. I know the story, and I keep seeing Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman. It just does not compare to Jurassic Park. Truth might be stranger than fiction, but it is not necessarily more entertaining.

I had a professor in college point to the fact that Nixon won the 1972 election in a landslide. He proposed that for most of the Vietnam War, the silent majority of Americans supported the war, the silent majority of Americans were conservatives, and the silent majority of Americans appropriately went on with their life pretty oblivious to politics. They knew politics was corrupt but made the conscious decision to get up in the morning and go to work. Eventually Nixon screwed himself and there was a tipping point about him personally, but the silent majority rarely changes.

Similarities between today and then certainly exist. But this silent majority premise still works.

The problem with politics is that the silent majority does not determine candidates. The people who have the time to be politicians, campaign for politicians, lobby politicians, those zealots who do not get up in the morning and go to work decide candidates. This is why in the next election our choices will be between a douche bag and a shit sandwich.

This is not a personal attack on any of the candidates. To be a politician one has to compromise, one has to do things he would rather not. For that matter, to be a good manager or a good graduate student, one has to have aspects of a douche and a shit sandwich. I am not wise enough to know how to escape this situation. When I am, I will surely write about it. But douche bags and shit sandwiches do not represent the silent majority.

The silent majority really does not care about steroids in baseball. The silent majority does not care about who the New England Patriots taped. The silent majority does not think that prostitution should be illegal, but they think that a self-righteous married John deserves all the hell he catches. The silent majority gets up in the morning and goes to work. The silent majority does not care about public opinion or politics. Maybe I should replace the silent majority with I. (I am working on the "goes to work" thing.)

I do know this: the silent majority does not care about this blog.

Some Things To Remember

1. Always fully read an Email before responding. The failure to do so will lead to you making an ass of yourself.

2. Be careful who you send an Email to. The failure to do so will lead to you making an ass of yourself.

3. Never forget Jurassic Park, Ian Malcolm and chaos theory. It has many similarities to Austrian economics with the point being that you cannot control nature. Human ingenuity is great, but life is still about survival.

4. Never forget the Drunk Scotsman. Think about the fun he missed out on while he was passed-out drunk.

What I Wanted To Do

I went to an office mate who has been getting on my nerves and told him:

"Let's go outside in the courtyard and fight. It is muddy and will soften our falls. If you don't want to get your clothes dirty, we can fight on the sidewalk. It will do us both good. You wanted to fight Friday night. Why not now? Come on, it'll do us both good to get our asses kicked."

He refused. I want to say he was lucky or smart, but I still think it would have done both of us good. As my Dad used to say, "Some people won't be satisfied until they get the shit kicked of them." I know the office mate is like that.

And I might be too.

Morning Free Write

I cannot stand to wait. My Internet Service Provider sucks. My computer locks up when it comes out of sleep mode. My music player uses more CPU than it is worth. They are cutting off my electricity from 9:00AM to 5:00PM. At least they had the decency to tell me yesterday.

Sunday, I fixed meals for most of the week. I am very tired of what I prepared, but I will keep eating it. Part of portion control and being cheap is predetermining portions and eating foods without much taste. Beef still gives me the most enjoyment and is the easiest to prepare.

I have to wait to eat breakfast because of my acid reflux medicine. I cannot stand to wait. My grandfather used to say he did enough waiting in the army so he wouldn't have to wait when he got back. He never used the Internet or a computer.

It is like that Dyson guy says in his vacuum commercial "I just want things to work." Is this so much to ask?

"Oh, The Hours I've Spent Inside The Coliseum Dodging Lions And Wastin' Time"

Some days you just do what you can. And you have to be happy with that remembering if everything goes right, you will get a chance to redeem yourself tomorrow.


*From Bob Dylan's When I Paint My Masterpiece as performed by The Band

The Subjective Theory Of Value

I do what I think is right. I am almost willing to say I always do what I think is right. Sometimes I change my mind. But at the time I thought it was right.

Unfortunately what I think is right does not always conform to what other people think is right.

This lack of conformity has plagued mankind. It has lead to every conflict between men. It is the cause of my and mankind's anger.

As I was sitting on the shitter suffering from the coffee shits, I realized how unsatisfactory this outcome is. I thought there has to be something I can do about it.

But after I wiped my ass, I decided that the best thing I can do is to continue to do what I think is right and let others do the same.

Being Early Means You Have Too Much Time

I read somewhere that if you have never been late for an airplane then you spend too much time in airports. (This is from some link off of MarginalRevolution, probably talking about productivity porn.)

This is true.

So I have stopped my obsession about being on-time or early. It really wasn't an obsession, because I am late a whole lot. But I am minimizing waiting times.

I have already discovered I can get to the bus stop in seven minutes (five minutes if I run) instead of the fifteen I usually give myself.

Why Not Today?

Two football stories:

The year before I broke my leg this guy dislocated and tore up his knee. It was the ugliest injury I have ever seen. So after I broke my leg, I am on crutches waiting for the "helper" to pick me up and drive me to my next location on campus, and I see this guy. I ask "How did you do it?"

He replied: "You can't depend on that guy; you gotta learn how to hump it across campus. You just gotta do it, man." He was in the National Guard hence the "hump" terminology. It was the best advice I have ever received.


Speaking of luck and talent, my freshman year, there was this fellow freshman running back. We had some good running backs, and he was third or fourth team. He got in during some blowouts and scored a touchdown in every game he played in his freshman year. He was not a great practice player. He did not like to run hard during practice, so he got in the coaches' doghouse and sat on the bench his whole sophomore year. By the middle of his junior year he was playing safety. I always called him "The greatest running back to never a touch a ball when it mattered." He was a hell of a player. He found ways to get yards and score, but he never got out of the coaches' doghouse. It really was a coach's doghouse.

The whole thing makes me wonder.

I Wanted To Say Something About The NBA

This is what I wrote yesterday:

The NBA is very interesting this year. I still see the Spurs or Pistons winning it all, and I see this as a good thing especially if the Pistons win it. But I almost care about the NBA right now. I haven't cared about the NBA in a long time.


This is what I am writing today:

I have no idea about the NBA. I will follow the rest of the season and hope that the Pistons win the championship.

"Keep Your Heart Open, And Your Eyes Shut Tight. What Will Be. Will Be."*

1. Republicans believe success results from effort. Democrats believe success results from luck. They are both wrong.

2. Do not underestimate the power of luck.

3. Do not underestimate the power of effort.

4. My left contact has bothered me all day. I have used three different ones today. None of them have felt right. Maybe it isn't the contact. Maybe it is a bad batch. Maybe I should just suck it up.

5. I might be a self-pity addict.

6. But I might not be.

7. The Alarm puts it best "This is absolute reality." This is all we got. We had better do the best we can.

*Fleetwood Mac

Further Thoughts On Most People Do The Best They Can

Russ Roberts and Paul Romer discuss similar ideas here.

I am an average (maybe below average) researcher, graduate student, whatever I am. Probability wise, this is all I should expect. This is okay.

I have delusions that I can be better than average. I have delusions that I could be better than average in other occupations like coaching and managing grocery stores. But these are delusions. I should expect and be thankful for being average.

Accepting that one is likely to be average is an important step into becoming better than average. It allows one to forget about other people's definitions of success. It allows one to forget about being better than average.

It allows one to concentrate on being himself.

A Story I Should Not Tell

Sometimes a football player, especially if he is not playing, has to piss before halftime or late in the fourth quarter. The pain hits him, but he cannot do anything about it. The game drags on, and the pain gets worse. Well if it is raining and/or cold, he just lets it go. The warmth feels good, and the mud or rain prevents anything from showing. But on those nice days, he is screwed.

A guy once told me that the secret was to let a little of it go, and this relieved the pressure and pain until halftime or the end of the game.

I was driving yesterday. I was drinking Diet Mountain Dew, and the pain hit me. There was no place to stop, and I was almost home. But it kept getting worse. The pain was unbearable, so I took the guy's advice and let a little go. It worked perfectly, and I felt much better.

This is another one of those things that I am not particularly proud of, but I am also glad I did. I feel the same way about football. These types of things make life interesting and bearable.

Taking A Day Off

I could do this, but do I want to?

I try to maximize the time I could work. I certainly do not always work during that time, but the time that I could be working is the important thing.

This is a stupid objective that must change if I want to grow.

Most People Do The Best They Can

I got my heater fixed, well half-way fixed.

On Monday the repairmen came and told me my heater coils had burnt out. They also told me one heater coil had previously been removed. They ordered two replacement coils and told me they would be back Thursday.

They come back Thursday. They replace the heater coils. But one does not heat. After performing a simple electrical test that they did Monday also, they tell me that the circuit that fed power to the previously removed heater coil was inoperational.

My first reaction was why didn't they catch this on Monday. The heater coil that was removed was probably removed because the circuit that fed it power was inoperational. This is simple logic that should have been induced Monday. They should have performed the test Monday, and my heater would be completely fixed today.

But then I remembered they are heating and cooling repairmen. And my unit is not common. And they are probably average at what they do. If I was a heating and cooling repairman in my fifties, I (would like to think I) might have thought and had the experience to perform tests on all of the circuits, but these guys are doing the best they can. On Monday, the guy adjusted his time sheet to save me a half-hour anyway. This is just the way the cookie crumbles.

They ordered the circuit, and it should be in next week. So I should have full heat for the last week and half of winter.

The two morals of this story are never buy a condo, home, or anything unless you can truly afford it, and most everyone does the best they can with the hand they were dealt.

Once I accept and follow these two morals, my life will be easier.

Call For Donations

This organization eases poverty throughout the United States.

It delivers cheap foodstuffs to millions of Americans.

It creates jobs for millions of Americans.

It supports local charitable organizations and helps build local communities.

It is everything you want from a charity and more.

It is a proven winner.

I almost forgot how it supports developing countries with billion of dollars worth of aid.



Please send checks to:

Wal-Mart Stores, Inc.
Bentonville, Arkansas 72716-8611
http://www.walmart.com/

(Inspired by Cowen's Discover Your Inner Economist)

I Am Turning Into A Hippie

I used a reusable bag in Kroger last night. I ended up getting a free Kroger reusable bag also.

It did make carrying things into the apartment much easier, but I feel like I am supposed to vote for Ralph Nader now. I feel like I need a Volkswagen van. I feel like I need to not wash my clothes for a week and get some tie-dyed shirts.

But I do not have to worry about growing my hair long.

I Hope The France Family Reads This Blog

NASCAR needs a senior circuit.

There are still enough fans of the old guys to support one.

I swear this is fool-proof (full-proof). NASCAR would make money hand over fist. They could race at older tracks and use older less expensive cars that have ED, heartburn, and cholesterol drug advertisers. You could cut it down to fifteen or twenty races, so the old guys could spend time with their families and other business interests. It would help alleviate the qualifying log-jam and stop the use of cheap past champion provisionals. This is just a great idea.

I am sure someone has already thought of this, but I am too lazy too look it up.

Saturday Morning Cartoons

1. George Washington did not have to campaign.

2. One can enjoy gambling without being addicted to gambling. Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley are good examples. Vices are not vices until an individual lets them become vices. Maybe Jordan and Barkley are just lucky, but do not condemn some one's pleasure because it might get out of control. Too much of a good thing does not have to be bad.

3. I am afraid. I am not afraid of random acts of violence. I am not afraid of the world ending. I am not afraid of death. It is easy to react to these things. It is easy to adapt and handle adversity. But I am afraid of everything else. I am afraid of failing and succeeding and mediocrity. I am afraid of quitting but also afraid of staying. I am afraid of carving out my own way, but also fear being stuck on the traditional path. Springsteen's "Murder Incorporated" puts it best:

"You got a job downtown, man it leaves your head cold (oh yea)
And everywhere you look life ain't got no soul (oh yeah)
That apartment you live in feels like it's just a place to hide
When your walkin' down the streets you won't meet no one eye to eye
Now the cops reported you as just another homicide
I can tell that you was just frustrated"

This fear is a little paralyzing, but it also freeing. Maybe this is what Camus meant.

4. With all of this being said, I am very happy. I would not have my life any other way than it is right now.

Friday Afternoon Blues

1. Personal energy, the passion to do things, and the will to act and live are the most scarce resources. Finding these on a Friday at 5:30PM is like trying to find sanity in politics.

2. Undergraduate research is an oxymoron.

3. Saying "it could be worse" implies that "it could be a whole lot better."

4. A compliment leaves you craving for more compliments.

5. Inaction, blankly staring at a computer screen, and having many long drawn out silent conversations with yourself says something about the way one is living their life.

6. A picture might be worth a thousand words, but sometimes a simple "fuck you" will do.

7. I really hestiate and do not like to use the word "fuck." But my mom does not read this blog.

The Difference

Some people treat people like shit. They give menial tasks to their underlings and declare themselves too good for menial tasks. They expect other people to make sure their life runs smoothly. They act privleged, expect privleges, and treat people like shit. A disproportionate number of these people end up in academia and are from the north.

I once had a classmate throw trash on the floor, not pick it up, and say "That is what the janitors get paid for." I should have whipped that guy's ass right there. I should have beat him to a pulp. But I did not.

My football coach used to say "Don't act special, and you will get treated special." I do not know if he is right. But if I ever act special, I hope some one beats my ass.

What I Am Reading

1. I just finished James Buchanan's The Demand and Supply of Public Goods. Applied economists (especially welfare economists) need to read Buchanan. But they won't.

2. I have started Peter Kennedy's A Guide to Econometrics Third Edition. I am going back to the basics. The beauty of statistics is in its simplicity and practicality. Many modern econometricians have forgotten this beauty.

3. I am almost done with Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life. I like Rand's purpose driven life better than Warren's. I do like the idea of having a purpose behind all of your actions. I just do not think you can eliminate self. Self is much too important to be eliminated.

4. I have just started James L. Kugel's How to Read the Bible. It promises to be an interesting historical journey. I have already gained prospective on why the Bible was written and the numerous interpetations of Abraham's near sacrifice of Isaac.

5. I am rapidly reading Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park. Fast paced fiction like sit-coms still gives me the most joy.

6. I just started Tyler Cowen's Discover Your Inner Economist. I have it a feeling it won't take me long to finish or put down. He has already used a lot of topics from MarginalRevolution. I do like his premise that people are complicated (screwed up), and simplfying behavior is foolish.

7. I started reading Albert Camus' The Myth of Sisyphus. I loved The Plague. But I don't know if I am ready for this one yet.

Backward Induction Or It Is Really Later Than I Think

I would like to start a job in the Summer or Fall of 2009. Most jobs for the Summer or Fall of 2009 are awarded in late Winter or early Spring of 2009. To be awarded a job in Winter or early Spring of 2009, one must apply and interview during the Fall and early winter of 2008. The big job fair and preliminary interview process for my profession is held in late July of 2008. To effectively participate in this process, I must be at least two-thirds done with my dissertation.

The bottom line is I have less than six months to do more than half of my dissertation.

Condo Ownership

1. On Monday I started the process to evict my rooommate/tenant. This is a time-consuming process that provides very little benefits for me.

2. I have to refinance, because the original loan was adjustable rate. This will probably save me money in the long-run. But it is still time-consuming.

3. The paint is coming off of my bathtub. There is a $30 kit that can fix this, but it is a time-consuming process. It takes a day to scrape the existing paint, clean the surface, and apply a primer, and another day to paint, followed by five days to dry. I cannot go a week without showering.

4. My heat-pump is still not working. Eventually I will have to get this fixed. This will also take time.

I wanted to make some statement like "time is my most scarce resource." In a way, this is true. Time is a very limiting factor. But honestly, there is plenty of time. There is no use worrying about it. No one can create more.

In other words, everything important will get done. And if it doesn't, it wasn't important.

Some Things

1. I weighed 200.2 pounds yesterday. This statement is purely positive. "It is what it is."

2. I finished W. Timothy Gallwey's The Inner Game of Tennis. I wished I had read it back when I was playing ball and throwing shotput. It really cleared up some things that I never fully understood while I was competing. The secret to success is focusing, doing what comes naturally, and not fighting what comes naturally. I am not doing the book justice. Read it.

3. When I was in the 11th grade someone stole my book bag while I was in the shitter. I eventually recovered the bag and everything in it. This event did not affect my shitting behavior, but I thought about it last night in the library when I took my bag into the shitter with me. Fortunately it was a handicap stall and had enough room.

4. I taught a class (lead a class discussion) this morning. It was the most fun I have had in a while. I enjoyed it. And if I want to do it for a living, I am going to have to finish this damn thing.

Some Questions

1. What was the more important invention: the cell phone or Email?

2. Who is the better sports writer: Bill Simmons or Jason Whitlock?

3. Who makes the best national brand delivery pizza?

4. How in hell can someone have a "well-behaved" utility function?

5. Why do economists "pretend, " I mean assume?

I am having a minor ideological clash with my advisor. It is like my Granddad told my Dad. "He can do what he wants. He owns the place. Listen or quit."

Stupid Thoughts I Cannot Get Out Of My Mind

1. Indoor plumbing. How and why did people change from outhouses to indoor plumbing? Yeah, it is easier to shit indoors especially in winter, but it had to be expensive to change. I also do not trust early septic tanks. We used to have one when I was a kid that smelled everytime it rained. Now there has to be some public health benefits to city/county sewers, but who paid? I just cannot imagine my Granddad or great-grandfather shelling out money for "fancy and flushable" toilets. "Shit belongs outside."

2. I do not think rechargeable batteries are worth it. Sam left me a charger and four AAA batteries. My MP3 player takes one AAA battery. I lost one of the AAA batteries. It takes two batteries for the charger to work, so as long as I keep three batteries everything is fine. But I went to get a few extras for my mouse and remote controls. They were four or five times the cost of a regular battery. I just cannot imagine it being worth it. I lose too many batteries, but I really think this is the problem with a lot of green innovations. The institutions and practices that surround the product could be more important than the product itself. When Sam was here, the charger looked more economically feasible as there were benefits to sharing.

3. The internet is not fast or reliable enough yet to replace DVDs. It will be, but not yet. Plus, the computer is not the focus of enough people's living rooms. I like to plop down in front of the TV not my computer. There is too much incriminating evidence on my computer for it to be in a "public" room. I also like a real live person telling me a movie is good. I do not like to waste two hours on a bad movie.

4. The spell checker will not work on blogspot. This makes me worry. I do not trust my spelling. If I cannot trust my spelling, how can I trust my writing or my ideas?

Defensive Principle

This is for when I interview to be a defensive coordinator:

When playing defense a player can be responsible for one of three (maybe two) things:

1. A Man

2 or 1a. The Quarterback

3. An Area Of the Field.

Deliverables Or Products

This blog has been discussing work and productivity. Sam and I in private conversations have been discussing similar issues.

My take is it all comes back to deliverables or products. A good worker, a successful person produces deliverables, products. Defining exactly what a deliverable or product is and working towards the right deliverables and products is subjective and complicated. But work creates deliverables and products.

One of the keys to being succesful is working towards deliverables and products and not working to just work. When an adequate product or deliverable is all that is called for, then adequate work is fine. It is neither necessary nor possible to know everything, and trying to is wasteful. One cannot make chicken shit into chicken salad. But if chicken shit is called for, using chicken salad is stupid.

My deliverable for the week is a table that summarizes the work I have been doing for the last six months. This table should be an adequate center piece in my dissertation proposal.

I Am A NFC East Man

I will hate the Giants come August, but they had me tonight once Jacobs brought it in the first quarter. Their defensive line kept hitting pretty boy Brady. (Brady is still living a dream. That long-legged supermodel was drinking red wine. But he will be too sore to do anything about it tonight.) I don't hate the Patriots. I am just glad they lost.

NFC East! NFC East! NFC East! The game reminded me how great the game of football can be.

Next year it will be the 'Skins.

Super Bowl Wishes

I wish both the Patriots and Giants lose.

I wish Eli Manning throws 8 interceptions.

I wish Tom Brady throws 9 interceptions.

All kidding aside, I wish for a good game.

Sitting In The Library Or How I Know Jeff and GGM Are Right

1. The comments in the last post sound like something my Dad or Granddad would have told me. On issues concerning life and work, they have never been wrong.

2. This guy has been sitting beside me for an hour. He keeps answering his phone. "I am studying. I am trying to get a head start on my two exams next week." He goes on to talk for another thirty minutes, and the conversation always includes "What are you doing this weekend?" I have sat here for two hours. He has been on the phone for an hour and fifty-five minutes. That kind of bullshit does not cut it.

3. Read this story. Get up in the morning and go to work. That is what you are supposed to do.

My Last Exam

I hopefully took my last written exam in December. I left the classroom feeling like I failed it. I did not answer one entire question. I only superficially answered the other questions. I cannot memorize key words like I used to. This was a key word class.

I ended up getting an A on the exam. I ended up getting an A in the class.

This last class typifies my whole academic career.

As an undergraduate and Masters student, I felt like I had an anonymous donor who paid professors to give me As. As a PhD student I just got by, but I always got by.

I have always been lucky. I have always been confused about what was really important. I learned a lot of bullshit in my years of classes, but I never learned confidence. I never learned to accept or face my limitations. I just kept getting by, easily at first, difficult at last, but I never learned the substance of life. I never learned that work and the ability to create were much more important than a written exam.

It is about time I started to learn.

Some Things

1. At any given time I can do an infinite number of things. The secret is to do something.

2. I have no control over what the Redskins do. I must come to grips with this fact. But if they hire Fassel...

3. Italian sodas are the most inconsistent thing known to man. I had a lime one once that was the best drink I have ever had. I had a strawberry one today that was terrible.

4. Life is too short to eat freezer burnt pork chops.

Another Thought

If I ever control of a sports team, they are entering to Springsteen's "No Surrender."

The Sports Guy And Happiness

I find this Bill Simmons article dishonest.

Every now and then he reaches too far for a story, and this is one of those times. Roger Clemens possibly using steroids cannot "kill" the memory of a 20 strikeout game.

I hate to speculate on what other people are thinking, but I think Simmons is like me and just indifferent to Clemens and steroids in general. Maybe I am wrong, but I think most fans are just indifferent to the whole situation. From now on, everything has changed, numbers do not mean what they used to, but the past is still the past. Steroids cannot affect Sully's and that feeling he had that night.

I do not know. I am probably the one reaching. But my baseball and sports memories were much more about me than anyone playing. It was me sitting in the living room and watching the Pistons or A's with my Dad and Granddad. It had nothing to do with Isaiah or Dumars or Canseco or Dave Stewart. It was me. They were just replaceable grown men playing a boy's game. It was my memory. It was my happiness. They were just part of a TV show that I enjoyed.

Saying that someone allegedly taking steroids hurts the fan is just dishonest. It is just misplacing anger. It bothers me that I have tied so much of my happiness to professional sports. This bothers Simmons too, not Roger Clemens.

Would Simmons be happier if Clemens never got the second 20 strikeout game? I don't think so.

A Thought

Brett Favre was drafted by the Falcons.

Economic "Failures"

Sam got in trouble for using the term "market failure" in one of his blog posts.

I emailed James Buchanan about language in economics. I basically said we need better terminology. Economists do not speak the same language. How can they expect to communicate with the public? He basically told me to keep fighting the good fight.

So I am introducing two more economic failure terms:

entrepreneurial failure-occurs when an entrepreneur, firm, or some business entity ceases to exist. This can mean a business was attempted but never created or can describe an existing business that has disappeared. For example blacksmithing suffered from entrepreneurial failure. Entrepreneurial subsistence is a precursor to entrepreneurial failure, grow or die. Entrepreneurial success (profits) is the opposite of entrepreneurial failure.

bureaucratic failure-occurs when a bureaucracy fails to meet its specified purpose. For example, the IRS' inability to collect Barry Bonds' or Wesley Snipes' taxes is bureaucratic failure. Another example is the military paying too much for toilet paper. This is part of government failure, but it occurs in existing bureaucracies. The IRS and taxes in general are government failure.

I have too much time on my hands, but I enjoy thinking about this kind of bullshit.

Football Technique And A Picture Says A Thousand Words

This picture foretold Ryan Grant's two fumbles.

Football Coaches

Besides Belichick, Bill Walsh, no scrap that, all football coaches have a similar ex ante chance of success. Norv Turner and Tom Coughlin are coaching in Championship games this weekend. Wade Phillips led a team to a 13-3 regular season record. They just do not matter that much. The NFL is about luck: players not getting hurt, successful drafts and free agents, and the right bounces.

Belichick, Walsh, Gibbs, Noll, and Parcells help and have helped their teams, but they have all had their failures and fair share of good luck.

My point is that Snyder should hire Gregg Williams unless he can get Belichick and most of his staff. Williams has just a good of chance as getting the Redskins to the Super Bowl as anyone else. Unfortunately, the probability that they will go to a Super Bowl under Williams is small. But I know Cowher's probability is the same or less.

(Pete Carroll fascinates the hell out of me, not as a football coach but as a person.)

Eating

Yesterday I ate a small breakfast, a small lunch, and a small dinner. I felt full all day.

Today I am starving. I ate a big breakfast and and a big lunch and a sizable snack, but I am starving.

Eating is behavioral. It has more to do about stress and psychological health than caloric need. It matters less what you have eaten and more how you feel.

This is not new or interesting information, but I am writing something so I won't eat. A blog post is a better response than a vending machine honey bun.

Some Questions

1. I am interested in knowing my employment and financial future. (Let's assume I am not a doomed economics' PhD student.) Do I look at national unemployment rates? Do I poll my family, friends, and co-workers?

2. I want to know whether Chipper Jones will get a hit in his next regular season at bat. Do I look at his career average? Do I look at his spring training average? Do I look at his average against the pitcher he is facing? Do I look at his average from the side of the plate that he is hitting? Do I look at his average in that particular ball park?

3. I want to know Sunday's weather in Green Bay. Do I look at the weather.com forecast? Do I find another forecast? Do I look at almanacs? Do I pray?

4. I want to live life. Do I ask questions? Do I base all of my decisions off statistics? Do I worry about rationality? Do I wing it as I go along?

Life is a discovery process.

Some Things

1. Internet porn and alcohol serve similar therapeutic purposes. Which one is worse?

2. Anything worth flipping a coin for is worth flipping a coin three or five times or any odd number of times for.

3. Anytime you have to flip a coin to make a decision, you are in a sad state.

4. Learning to live with disappointment is learning to live. As Mellencamp said, "No one said this was going to be easy." One cannot deny disappointment, but he must learn how to accept it and move forward.

5. I weighed 205 pounds at the gym today. I felt like a fat cow all day. I feel like a fat cow now. The scale has to be light.

6. I know. I am turning into a woman.

7. I have lost my identity. There were guys in the gym throwing up a little weight. I could neither match their weight nor their intensity. But I do not feel different. Yeats has a poem about this, about how the face we see in the mirror is the same face we saw as a kid, about how we perceive ourselves today the same as we do when we were seventeen.

Incentives

I do not pay a water bill. It is part of my fixed Homeowners' Association dues. My shower leaks. It has leaked for eighteen months. I have no plan to fix it.

I pay my electric bill. My heat pump broke a month ago. I have not fixed it, and do not plan on fixing it anytime soon.

So to compensate, I am not going to flush my piss to conserve water. Only if it is shit, will I flush it.

Bill Simmons Tackles The Video Stores' Problem

From this set of links:

"• Thought this USA Today article about slipping DVD sales was intriguing, although it failed to mention the three most likely reasons: First, Hollywood screwed up the DVD market by loading every movie with "EXTRA STUFF!" when, invariably, the extra stuff always sucks. For every "Boogie Nights," where it's actually worth it to own the DVD, there are 50 terrible ones that waste your time and money. Second, people are tired of buying a DVD for a movie, only to see that same movie be re-released a year later with more extras. It's practically consumer fraud. You should be able to return the old DVD and put the money toward the new one. And, third, since every single movie is constantly on TV now, and since you can rent anything, there's not the same urgency to buy DVDs that there was 10 years ago (or even five years ago). Why do I need to own "Shawshank" when it's on every night on one of the 475 movie channels we're getting?

(My buddy Ace has a fourth theory that I don't necessarily agree with, but it's interesting: He has reached the point that he's too lazy to even stand up, find a DVD and put it in the DVD player, fast-forward through all the ads to get to the main menu, then press "Play." He'd rather just plant himself on the sofa, flip channels and find something without moving. Now, I'm the same way ... but is everyone else in the country equally lazy? Probably not.)"

The article and Simmons' commentary reinforces my entrepreneurial subsistence argument. The rental market is holding steady, but our store is definitely slipping.

We'll see. I have confidence in my Dad.

In Response To Sam Or More Real Economic Research

My Dad has been considering the subscription model. For $19.99 a month, customers could have two DVDs out at anytime and for any length of time. The reason we have not done this is that it would take expensive and time consuming capital improvements. We would have to get credit card capability. In fact we would have to get "Internet" credit card capability because we would have to automatically charge cards without the cards and customers being present. We would also have to update our computer system and retrain employees. My Dad has not deemed the idea worth it yet.

My problem with the subscription model is the incentives are confused. Customers have the incentive to rent two new DVDs every night. I have the incentive to order very few new DVDs. It is not a sustainable strategy. People would quit the subscription after coming in and not getting the new release they wanted a few times.

We have always implicitly stated our mission as the provider of "low-cost" entertainment. From a cash flow perspective, our rentals (between a $1.66 and $2.50) have always been cheaper than Blockbuster. We do ask that new DVDs be returned in two days, but we rarely charge late fees. We were doing this well before Blockbuster started the "No Late Fees" campaign.

Our ideal customer only rents with us and rents just as many older titles as they do newer titles. We have also depended on yuppies to rent "sophisticated" movies that they have a hard time finding in other places. Lately this type of customer has went over to Netflix for the convenience or stopped renting movies from us for some other reason. Now we have more "New Release Hounds" who want the newest, biggest blockbuster and are willing to go wherever to find it. It is really difficult to satisfy these types of customers without substantially increasing our prices or to start charging late fees. We cannot buy the quantity of DVDs it takes to get deep discounts, and many times Wal-Mart sells them for less than we can buy them for.

Our experience has been that people have an overly negative response to price increases even if you are still cheaper than your competitors. We increased prices a year ago, and I think this has as much to do with our slow-down as anything else.

Our real problem is entrepreneurial subsistence. My Dad has gotten tired and sees the business as a cash cow that will soon run out of milk, so he does not have the energy to be creative. My Uncle and I have too much education to devote but so much energy to the video store. We have had good employees, but none of them have had the combination of skills to really move the business forward.

My Dad probably has the right mindset. In a few years, everyone will be downloading movies anyway.

Sinus Drops And Real Economic Research

Your head hurts. You feel sick. You feel tired. You know it is probably related to allergies, but that does not change that you feel like shit. That is what my Dad calls a sinus drop.


My Dad kept complaining that the video store was down, "We just aren't doing the business we used to, son." Well I crunched the numbers. He was right. This year's sales were down compared to last year.

But profits were up. I was confused. I could not understand why. Have we somehow reduced our costs? Have we somehow become more technically efficient?

My Dad was unphased, "Something's wrong with your numbers, son. The business isn't the same."

Now there were many reasons why the old man could be right like Netflix, cheap DVDs, general slowdown, and my ordering but being away from the store. But I kept crunching the numbers, there just wasn't any noticeable difference between the two years that would have decreased costs this year or inflated costs the year before.

In the end and as usual, my Dad was right. The year before he had to pay a one time large tax bill. The business is down.

Most importantly, I need to adjust my orders accordingly.

Sports

I know I write this post every month, but I have to give up on following sports teams.

I learned a lot playing sports, but watching, paying attention and caring about them has caused me nothing but grief. Making a BCS bowl or the playoffs is not enough. Past championships are not enough. Nothing is ever enough.

I learned that nothing is ever enough while playing sports. I do not need to be constantly reminded of it by watching sports.

I Have Been Away For Awhile

But I will be back on a more regular basis now. That is my first New Year's resolution. The blog has its therapeutic effects, and in a way it keeps me accountable for my life. To make this is a measurable goal, I would like to average at least 3.5 posts a week.

I want to exercise more. I do not need to worry about structured exercise, but I need to live an active lifestyle. I need to walk, play basketball, and always use the stairs. Yes this is a repeat, but this year I will succeed. To make this a measurable goal, I would like to walk on average 3.5 mornings every week.

I want to concentrate on my career. By the middle of the year I will have a homepage that lists my resume, working papers, and teaching purpose. I will also make weekly (Wednesday to Wednesday) measurable strides on my dissertation. I will report my successes and failures to my peers and this blog.

The Problem With Economics

Read this.

Russ Roberts does it again. It is the best thing I have read in a while.

It Is Two O'Clock, I Had Better Start Working

Since I have to leave at 3:00PM.

The saying at the grocery store was we in the produce department got more done by 8:00AM than the meat department got done in a day.

This is not the case with me anymore.

Politics, Leadership, And April 16th

(I spent a good amount of time trying to decide if this post is appropriate. I think it is more a personal statement about things that have bothered me for months more than anything else, and it should be read that way. I think we all have tried to come to grip with things that are hard to grasp. This is just another attempt.)

I woke up this morning to the news. Victims' parents are considering filing lawsuits against Blacksburg, Virginia and Virginia Tech.

It has been sixth months, but my initial impression of how the event has been handled has changed very little. Cho was a sick kid, and nothing ex ante could have reduced his violence. Nothing. There is no blame.

But President Steger and those in charge that day's first reaction was to cover their ass. They lied about the dorm being shut down. I walked past 20 minutes after the first shooting. People were freely entering and exiting. They lied about the lock-down system in the dorms. A card was required between 10:00PM to 10:00AM. An Email is instantaneous and does not need a committee. Steger did not know, but he refused to say he did not know." Steger's first reaction was to cover his ass. He got on the talk shows the next morning and covered his ass. Instead of saying, "We might have done some things wrong. We will examine what happened and make decisions later. Please let us grieve now. Please." He politicized and media-ized the event by getting on talk shows. He did damage control. He did what university presidents who make a half a million do, he played public relations. He has done the same thing for the past six months. He enacted reactionary policies that cannot prevent another incident but cost millions of dollars and makes some people feel better. We even have a Community Service Fair today in honor of the victims. And he kept the university focused on being a top-tier research institution while honoring those who lost their life with memorials and concerts.


Steger is a damn good politician. Damn good. But I do not consider him a leader. Russ Roberts defines leadership this way: "The essence of "leadership" is doing unpopular stuff, stuff that goes against the consensus and that later turns out to be right."

I do not pretend to know what will turn out to be right. But I do not think Steger is willing to do unpopular stuff, and I do not think he agrees with this definition of leadership.

I do not think Steger should be forced to resign. But if he was a leader, I think he would have accepted some blame and eventually stopped covering his ass. Eventually the politics has to stop. It has not stopped with him yet.

This comes off as a personal attack. And it is. But the problem with many so-called leaders, especially in academia and government, is that the fear of doing something different, something unpopular cripples them. It paralyzes them into being politicians. Maybe it is the voters and the public's fault for being fickle. Maybe professional and for-pay government and public service has become necessary.

But politics and playing politics is still disheartening.

What Is A Lethal Ape?

It is not caring, not sharing
It is a volatile focus
It is a lack of stability
It is a lack of respectability
It is seeing the devil
It is seeing the Truth
It is not clever, but
It is forever
It is a high
And most of all
It is F.T.B.

Expect to win.


I wrote this when I was 22. Here is my comment then: "You know you're 22 years old and you have no clue. Does that make you dangerous or just stupid?--Probably stupid."

Things never change.

They Will Break Your Heart

The Redskins, that is what they do.

Tyler Cowen criticizes one of those economics papers. One of those many papers that fail the common sense test.

It is all bullshit, and I am volunteering for it. What does that say about me?

Some Things

1. Work when you work. Play when you play. Confusing the two leads to immense trouble and existentialist crises.

2. I like good baseball and good football. If I could just stop rooting for teams, then watching games would bring me great joy. (I used to dislike Livan Hernandez, but if I needed someone to pitch a big game, he would be on the short list.)

3. Most people do not give a damn about a person's diet. They just want you to eat and keep eating. Old women get much joy out of watching young men eat.

4. This song holds the secret of life (and the female orgasm). I have not figured it out yet. But I know it holds the secret.

Isn't Tomorrow Friday?

It has been a long day, and a longer week. I guess I haven't been busy enough.

Information And Work

First the Einstein Quote of the Day:

A happy man is too satisfied with the present to dwell too much on the future.


No matter how arrogant I get, it amazes me how many ideas are out there. The vast majority are mediocre or irrelevant. But even if I could somehow eliminate my exposure to these categories, I would still be swamped trying to incorporate and filter good ideas.

One (and I have) could spend day upon days just going through ideas, but eventually one has to work. He has to pick something and just go with it.

Getting caught up in ideas is getting caught up in the past. The pass is a sunk cost. Today is the only thing we have.

(I write this as I am listening to Jimi Hendrix's "I Don't Live Today" "It's such a shame to waste your time away like this...Get experienced.")

(The idea discussion was sparked by deirdremccloskey.com.)

Request

I am trying to think of ways to punish (reward) myself for not getting things done (getting things done). Since I have no money, the punishments and rewards cannot be monetary.

The fact that I cannot come up with anything says almost as much about me as the fact that I have to do this in the first place.

Paul Krugman's Blog

I just visited Krugman's blog. I am not going to post a link. It is easy to find if want to read it.

My problem with Krugman and politically liberal economists in general is that their self-righteousness. It is their wonderful faith in themselves. I think Krugman really believes that if he was appointed "supreme dictator of the world" that the world would be a perfect place. The confidence he and liberal economists have amazes me.

It also frustrates the hell out of me. I readily admit I can barely take care of myself. I admit I am fucked up. Right now I am internally debating whether to go to a tailgate. I am debating the importance of friendship, fellowship versus private reflections. And I have no answers. None. Zero. All I know is I have to figure things out, I, me not the collective

I can pretend like Krugman and Galbraith. I can spout off Utopian health plans or how horrible the Iraqi War is. But I would just be pretending. My health is too good. I am not in Iraq.

I do not know. And neither does Krugman.

Change

I have not posted in ten days. I have had nothing to say.

I have had nothing to say for a while.

I rode the bus this morning. I sat there thinking about how little ambition I have. I thought about how my professional career is doomed to mediocrity. I went to college and graduate school, so I would not have to struggle. So I will never have to work like my Dad.

I will never have to struggle, but acceptance of mediocrity, lack of ambition might be worse than struggling.

Last night my co-blogger called. He felt the same way I do. He talked about ideas and entrepreneurship. It was a great conversation.

But I rode the bus this morning and thought about how little ambition I have.

Another Thing

I haven't ate meat in 30 hours.

I did not realize this, and it will be rectified tonight.

I Am Not Changing The Previous Post's Title

Yeah, I caught myself peaking.

I hope not. I really hope not.

If this is the best I can do, then I am not much.

I have always wanted the next year of my life to be my best. I still want this.

Yeah, I Caught Myself Peaking

I have checked the Redskins' score today. I have even checked the Braves once in a while. I know they are eliminated. I know Junior is not in the Chase. But I am trying not to be as obsessive. This is a good thing.

Virginia Tech football will be Virginia Tech football. Beamer will win 8.5 games a year. He will always be near the top of a weak ACC. He will always have great athletes. He will always depend on defense and special teams. He will never show the offensive creativity it takes for teams to win national championships. He will get beat by superior coaches who have as much talent as he does. Sometimes he will get beat by superior coaches who have less talent than him.

As Dennis Green said "It is what it is."

So Hokie football is going on the list with the Redskins, Braves and Junior.

(Yeah, I know the Redskins won.)

Absolute Reality

My past 24 hours:

Yesterday 8:30AM
I have to run to the bus, so I get to my office in time for someone to pick up a ticket up from me. I forget my lunch.

Yesterday 10:30AM
After waiting an hour for someone to pick up a ticket from me, a former colleague (Jeff named her "Ugly") asks me who this student she is supposed to be working with is. I have no idea but ask this new guy. His description, "He looks a whole lot like you (me), bald, but less bulky." After I beat the living shit out of the guy, the former colleague found her man. Of course I did not beat the living shit out of the guy, but I spent the next two hours thinking about how I could stink his office or anonymously hurt him. The someone never picked up the tickets, but I waited and waited.

Yesterday 12:30PM
I go to class. I am bored out of my mind. I think this is my last semester of classes. Thank goodness. I had better undergraduate classes. At least then I could talk about reality without getting looked at like I was an idiot and silenced by the professor.

Yesterday 2-6:00PM
I try to break even on my tickets. I am walking the streets like a whore. "Who needs tickets? Because I got what you need, baby." There are a hundred whores and no johns. My phone is barely functional. I do break even. Thank goodness. But it was a struggle I did not need.

Yesterday 8:00PM
I go to the concert. I am so tired. The concert makes me more tired and sad. This whole university does not want to discuss reality. It is caught up is some dream world that does not exist. A dream world I do not want to exist. I leave early.

Yesterday 10:30PM
I eat my lunch for dinner. It was okay. My back is stiff from walking and standing. I take two Advil. It takes a while to sleep. But sleep comes.

Today 8:00AM
I get up late. I eat breakfast. I realize I have nothing for lunch. I run for the bus. This running is not good on my back.

Today 10:30AM
The new guy and his friends are back. I am looking up temporary insanity cases. I would be doing the world a favor.

Virginia Tech Has Quarterback Problems

Sean Glennon is quoted in this article:

"I think Tom Brady is a little more credible than a lot of the guys that have opinions on me, so it's nice to see," Glennon told reporters in Blacksburg, Va., earlier this week. "It's nice to have someone with obviously a very high football IQ give me compliments."


Good quarterbacks must have confidence, but given his last two performances, Glennon isn't a good quarterback. I might not be credible. I might have a low football IQ. But the last two times he has suited up, he has been consistently horrible while showing flashes of mediocrity.

He lofts one of those deep passes up against LSU, and a defensive lineman is going to put him on his ass during the interception return. I wonder what Tom Brady will say then. He will probably say "good job" like he did last week, because I know he is not watching the game.

What I Am Reading

1. I just finished The Evelyn Wood Seven-Day Speed Reading and Learning Program by Stanley D. Frank. I cannot read thousands of words a minute, but it taught me that skimming is okay, especially if you do it effectively. A lot of what he suggests I already do which made me feel better.

2. I am working on William Easterly's White Man's Burden. Like his The Elusive Quest For Growth, it shows how individuals not governments create growth. He also makes the Sachites look like the idiots they are.

3. I just started Tim Harford's The Undercover Economist. It has been disappointing so far. Maybe I had too high of expectations.

4. I have been struggling through Hemingway's Farewell to Arms. I prefer his short stories.

Business, Change, And Life

My Dad has owned a video store for the past ten years. He has went from not knowing what a DVD is to having a rental catalog of 6000 DVDs. He went from having an inventory of about 100 cassette tapes to having an inventory of about 1000 CDs five years ago, to having about 250 CDs now. He used to have half of the ice cream freezer filled with ice cream novelties under a dollar. Now the freezer is three fourths Ben and Jerry's.

He convinces himself every year that it will be the video store's last.

Change is difficult. But if you take a step back, the one constant, is that we survive change.

Surviving has to be enough.

Information Authority

Doctors and mechanics examine our bodies and cars, use their acquired knowledge, and make diagnoses. They make diagnoses and offer solutions that we could not determine on our own. This relationship depends on the integrity of the doctor or mechanic. It depends on our faith in doctors and mechanics to accurately diagnose.

I have lost faith in doctors and mechanics.

This is a scary thing.

I really think doctors are worse than lawyers. There is no integrity left in a medical degree. We need a portfolio of doctor jokes.

Some Things

1. I looked at some economists' blogs today other than MarginalRevolution and CafeHayek. There is no reason that myself and my readership could not start a blog devoted to economics or the stupidity of economists and gain a following. It would be a worthless thing, but we could do it.

2. By definition, a worthless thing is not worth doing. But that rarely stops me.

3. I complained to my nurse Mom that my foot hurt after long trips or time sitting down. My Mom gave me sympathy. My Dad said: "You are 26 years old, aches and pains will be the rest of your life. Get used to it." My Dad knew exactly what I needed.

4. I got the doctor's bill. He charged $250 take a month to look at $500 worth of blood tests and to tell me I am fat. He also told me if I continue to be fat, I will die. The bluntness and "no shitness" of his message combined with the callousness of his bill pains me. I am 26 years old, aches and pains will be the rest of my life. I better get used to it.

5. I have lost 30 pounds on this South Beach diet. The doctor says I need to lose more. I have determined that simple carbohydrates are my drug. They are my crack. This means I will fuck up soon. Because no man can stay away from his crack.

6. I am going to stay away from doctors as much as I can.

A Decision That Will Probably Reverse

I care too much about the Redskins and Braves.

So I am going to stop watching them. I am going to stop checking their scores and websites. If the 'Skins make the Super Bowl, I might watch. I doubt if the Braves will make the playoffs, but they will lose in the end anyway. It is over with. This goes for NASCAR too. Dale Jr. is a lame duck. I doubt if he will ever win a championship. I doubt if he will 10 more races in his career. There is too much talent in NASCAR.

The Vick thing bothers me. The Wickman thing bothers me. Neither are worth discussing.

I could never understand someone ex ante telling you to win at all costs, then ex post telling you that there is more to the game than winning. You cannot have it both ways.

The French Pronounce It That Way, But I Am Not French

I have been trying something new this week. I write down my core achievements that I want to accomplish in a journal, and I try to achieve them. It has not been a success. But it has not been a failure either.

As usual I have a difficult time expressing my core achievements. Writing is difficult. Saying I want to finish a draft of the introduction has no meaning. I worked on the introduction, but what does a draft really represent?

But the thing that worries me is that I do not have any goals. I do not know what I want. People tell me that "everyone knows what they want." But I do not. I have no clue. I have tried to find that light at the end of the tunnel. I have tried to answer "where do I want to be in five years?" But I cannot. I have general inclinations, but nothing definite enough to be a goal.

To achieve any kind of success, a person has to have goal. Success is achieving goals. "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life." "A limousine without a place to go is no better than a bike with flat tires."

I cannot concentrate enough to finish this post. This lack of concentration is my problem.

People get to this point, where all the stupid shit that drives adolescence, that keeps people without goals getting out of bed in the morning, all of this shit that pulls us in a million different directions, becomes transparent, where life becomes clear. Everyone does not get to this point, but damn it, I will get there.

Time, Sleep, And The Other Things I Do Not Understand

I know this is irrational, but time moves at varying speeds. This is a psychological thing. But artificial product differentiation is product differentiation. There has to be a way to capitalize on this and make money.

I have not been sleeping well. I have been trying to allot myself nine hours to sleep, but sometimes it is not enough. Other times seven hours is plenty.

This post is stupid as shit. I am blogging just to be doing something.

I am sitting around waiting for things to happen again.

Too Many Women Blues

I got one on the right
One on the left
One in the shed
And two in the bed
I got the
I got the too many women blues


Who could have ever thought
This happening to an ugly guy like me
But man I didn't know
How good it felt to be free

I got the
I got the too many women blues

Most of you
Know this is not true
But how good it feels to be free


They say the past can ruin the future
But you gotta let it
And I tell you
The past don't mean shit
When you got the
(Too many women) blues

Mary Chapin Carpenter's "Quittin' Time"

"Hey baby tell me what we're gonna do
It's getting crazy and I need some help from you
We were so connected that you were a part of me
Now I feel an emptiness right to the heart of me

But you pretend and I pretend
That everything is fine
And though we should be at an end
It's so hard admittin'
When it's quittin' time

Hey baby I'm running out of things to say
Please don't hate me this feeling just won't go away
Now we're spending all our time caught in a fantasy
Just trying to keep in mind the way it used to be

But you pretend and I pretend
That everything is fine
And though we should be at an end
It's so hard admittin'
When it's quittin' time

But you pretend and I pretend
That everything is fine
And though we should be at an end
It's so hard admittin'
When it's quittin' time"

500th Post

The last post was the 500th one on this blog. I think that means I have written 497 posts. In a sad way that is pretty cool.

It has been five years since my last football training camp. I certainly do not miss the overall experience of sweat, sleeplessness, and soreness, but I would love to hit some bags or some defensive lineman (not a sled) a couple more times.

I hated football camp. No that is not true. I liked that football camp made me tired. I liked that football camp pushed my body past preconceived limits. I liked that football camp required discipline. I liked that football camp brought 150 boys and made them go through things they hated but liked and wanted at the same time.

I was going to say something like I have been going through a football camp for the past two years Or life is like football camp. But that would be bullshit.

Football camp was a change for me. I worked with my Dad during the summer, and it was nice to be able to do something different no matter how physically and mentally demanding it was.

You go through periods and you get bored or attached to something. Then something changes. Or you change. You get depressed about the boredom or the loss. But dealing with changes and knowing when to change are both the hard the fun parts of life.

I have been through enough football camps to know that when camp is finished it is finished. It might not have been worth it, but it is over and done with until the next one comes around. And that is the first step in dealing with change.

It is also the first step to being happy.

Better Them Than Us

I think about the savanna
I think about the forests
I think about you and me
How far we have come
I hope you don't blame me
Sometimes I blame myself
My ancestors voluntarily submitted
Yours were forced
Mine ignored their chains
Thinking "better them than us"
Now I ignore the present
In favor of history
Together we ignore our chains
Thinking "better them than us"

Live Life Like You Are Getting Ready To Shit On Yourself

My indecisiveness disappeared. My vision showed clear. The light at the end of the tunnel shined. And once I sat down, I rediscovered happiness.

Things I Have Come To Learn

1. Ask the nurse or lab or someone how much a blood test is going to cost before getting it done. I just had a $400 blood test that my family doctor back home calls a "worthless catch-all test that says nothing." Maybe insurance will pay some of it, but I will not know for a couple of weeks, so I had to pay it now or face a $50 late charge.

2. I came to graduate school thinking I could fix U.S. health care. Graduate school has taught me graduate students, professors, and administrators cannot fix anything. It takes pissed off individuals. I must not be pissed off enough.

3. The apple does not fall far from the tree. The things I dislike about my Dad are the same things I dislike about myself. The same things that will lead him to an early grave will lead me. Some of it is genetics, some of it is experience, but most of it is stupidity.

Einstein Quote Of The Day

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction. "

Woody Allen On Ingmar Bergman

"I learned from his example to try to turn out the best work I’m capable of at that given moment, never giving in to the foolish world of hits and flops or succumbing to playing the glitzy role of the film director, but making a movie and moving on to the next one. Bergman made about 60 films in his lifetime, I have made 38. At least if I can’t rise to his quality maybe I can approach his quantity."

Woody keeps coming back to this hard work theme in his interviews and essays. (I do not think it always come through in his movies, but that is the topic for a different post.)

I think he is right. You have to work. You have to do the best you can. You cannot sit around and worry about what others think.

Give me the strength to do what is right, and the confidence to know it is right.

Things I Can Do Without

A few weeks ago I was playing basketball with my cousins' cousin's husband. He a was 25 year old American wearing a soccer jersey. Naturally he was rich prick.

He was a good athlete. But I told my other cousin "If we knock him down, he will quit." I will always be a prole.

I was right. He drove to the basket. I got in front of him, and he went to the ground hard. I gave him the foul, but I still think it was a charge if it was anything. He did not drive to the basket again.

Now I did this too late in the game, and we lost. This was mostly due to the fact I was playing with 13 and 14 year olds who had no concept of defense at all. (I have been meaning to write a post about the sad state of basketball for weeks.)

But my thrill of the weekend, the month, maybe the year was knocking the shit out of that guy. It was the greatest thing I had done since beating all of those rich preppies on the AP US History exam.

I will always be a prole. I used to think that my prole's anger is what separated me from my colleagues. I hate authority. I hate the status quo. Hatred can provide energy. Hatred leads to caring. Anyone who cares can be dangerous and cause change.

But over the last few weeks, I have decided I have to let some things go. I cannot let the thrill of knocking some rich prick down be the highlight of my life. And I need to avoid situations like that. I should only play basketball occasionally with friends who I will have to see again. Competition can be good. But at my age the first and foremost competition has to be with myself. I cannot keep defining success as how many people I knock the shit out of and are "better than" (whatever the hell that means).

I did not win the game. My prole's anger took my eye away from the goal. If I want to be truly dangerous, I have to win.

Communication Costs

There are some people I do not like. I assume the feeling is mutual, so I remain cordial.

But there are some people I would really like to tell what I think of them, just tell them how idiotic they are, just call them the liars that they are. I assume they would like to do the same to me.

So maybe there would be a Pareto improvement if we just tell each other how we feel.

The Joy Of Swimming

I am fat. I have infinitely more hair on my chest and back than I do on my head. But I would strip naked in front of the most beautiful women in the world to jump into a pool right now.

Question Of The Day

Who are bigger crooks, doctors or automobile mechanics?

Why?

I saw this guy walking down the street. He was listening to an iPod. He had a big grin on his face. I punched him square in the jaw. He dropped to his knees. He looked up and asked "Why?"

I replied: "I wanted to see if I could knock that stupid look off your face. I succeeded."

If You Are Not Doing Anything, Then You Are Not Doing Anything

When I came to graduate school I met some obsessive people, people who could not have fun but studied all of the time, people who could have fun but could not study.

I also met people who could balance life pretty well. These are the people I wanted to be.

But here is the conundrum. The people who could balance did not accomplish anything. They were saner than the obsessives, but who really gives a damn about being sane?

I am obsessive. I have to try and balance, but before I can reach happiness, I have to respect myself. I have to embrace my obsessiveness. I have to accept my ambition while recognizing my shortcomings.

Instead of sitting around doing nothing looking for magical elixirs to cure my Blues, I have to do what I want when I want.

Now I just have to figure out what I want.

A Different Perspective

Trying to help your friends and family can be stupid, but we all do stupid things when it comes to friends and family.

This Made Me Laugh

Lyrics: Brad Paisley - Online lyrics



I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5 foot 3 and overweight
I'm a scifi fanatic
A mild asthmatic
And I've never been to second base
But there's whole 'nother me
That you need to see
Go checkout MySpace

'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I'm a black-belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online

When I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
In real life the only time I've ever even been to L.A
Is when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade

[ Online lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
Online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I've got a set of six pack abs that would blow your mind
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online

When you got my kind of stats
It's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I login

Online
I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online

Yeah, I'm cooler online

Yeah, I'll see ya online



We are all looking for some type of escape.

What Do Government Bureaucrats Really Want?

The power over life and death.

But government will run a successful health care system.

If you want a job done right, do it yourself. Do not ask for handouts. Do not ask for collective action. Do it yourself.

The Thing I Like About Wal-Mart

I never worry if I am paying too much in Wal-Mart. I have been shopping at Kroger which has better meat and sometimes better produce. On all non-sale items they are 25-50% higher.

This morning I went to this vegetarian restaurant. It has a whole wall dedicated to stopping Wal-Mart from coming to "our" community. It made me sick. The service was not bad. But it took me ten minutes to pay. I paid with a credit card, and the cashier left before the receipt was printed. I could see the receipt right there, but no one stopped to let me sign. So I stepped around the register, tore it off, and signed. My tip reflected my waiting.

Maybe I was not that far off in this post.

A Little

If I go someplace else, someplace with a little coffee, someplace a little cooler, someplace with a little more light, someplace with a little less distractions, someplace with a little more life, I will be better.

What Have We Learned?

"The greatest guilt today is that of people who accept collectivism by moral default; the people who seek protection from the necessity of taking a stand, by refusing to admit to themselves the nature of what they are accepting; the people who support plans specifically designed to achieve serfdom, but hide behind the empty assertion that they are lovers of freedom, with no concrete meaning attached to the word; the people who believe the content of ideas need not be examined, that principles need not be defined, and that facts can be eliminated by keeping one's eyes shut. They expect, when they find themselves in a world of bloody ruins and concentration camps, to escape moral responsibility by wailing: "But I didn't mean this.""

From Ayn Rand's foreword to Anthem in 1946

Three Steps To Approach A Probem From Some Wise Old Man Whose Name I Forget

1. Visualize.
Fix your focus. Define your objectives.

2. Agonize.
Find the facts. Clearly define your problem.

3. Organize.
Form a team or support group. Face your demons and conquer them. Finish the job.


He also said, "Teaching should be instructional, practical, and motivational."

He was certainly a wise man.

Now it is time for me to fix my focus.

Promises I Have Made To Myself

1. When Peter Frampton comes on the radio, I change the station and never come back.

2. I never eat buffalo wings around neat people who like to make fun of fat people. I might end up on death row.

3. I always use the same types of weights while lifting. I always put my weights back.

4. I do not take myself too seriously.

5. I will never go to another 4th of July celebration where they hire a Beatles tribute band.

6. I will never listen to another Beatles tribute band.

7. I stand at attention during the national anthem.

8. I will not get drunk to make a band sound good.

9. I will not get drunk to make a chick look good.

Einstein Quote Of The Day

"Never do anything against conscience even if the state demands it."

Disappointment

Somebody does something. I get angry. I realize "it doesn't matter." But right now it does.

I spit. It hits the ground. I say "it is over with."

Two Quotes From Bukowski's Ham On Rye

"I walked around the library looking for books. I pulled them off the shelves one by one. But they were all tricks. They were very dull. There were pages and pages of words that didn't say anything. Of if they did say something they took too long to say it and by the time they said it you already were too tired to have it matter at all."

"His mother made him stick his nose into a book right away and she made him keep it there. She made him read all of his school books over and over, page after page. "He must pass his exams," she told me. It never occurred to her that maybe the books were wrong. Or maybe it didn't matter."

What do these quotes remind you of?

There Is No Such Thing As Fiscally Responsible Public Investments

1. Golf courses do not pay, especially when politicians use the National Golf Foundation as their main reason to build a course.

2. From this report:

"Baseball does not boost the local economy. Andrew Zimbalist, a leading sports economist, wrote earlier this year: “There are very few fields of economic research that produce unanimous agreement. Yet every independent economic analysis of the impact of stadiums has found no predictable positive effect on output or employment. Some studies have even concluded that there is a possible negative impact.” This perhaps surprising finding largely reflects the fact that families and individuals who spend money to attend a baseball game spend less on other forms of entertainment than they would in the absence of a stadium."

Three Books I Bought Last Night

1. The South Beach Diet: The Delicious, Doctor-Designed, Foolproof Plan for Fast and Healthy Weight Loss by Arthur Agatston, M.D. A doctor told me to try, so I am going to try it.

2. Anthem by Ayn Rand It is that time of year.

3. Ham on Rye by Charles Bukowski I cannot wait to read this one. I read his Post Office in two days.

Some Things About Myself

1. I am fat. My lack of fitness has started to affect my health. My legs retained fluid the other day. Every time I get a cold I also get a respiratory infection. It is time for a change.

2. I am lazy. I cannot concentrate. I can blame boredom and other bullshit all I want, but it is me. It is all me.

3. I have a nose hair longer than any hair on my head. I must trim it.

4. I am too nice of a guy. I let people whose only concern is their well-being to influence my life. I cannot let others' schedules override mine.


I am going to the gym. When I come back, I am going to be a changed man.

A Quote From Charles Bukowski Through Jeff

"You begin saving the world by saving one person at a time; all else is grandiose romanticism or politics."