Thursday, December 29, 2005

Watch This

The Trains Ran On Time In NAZI Germany

(I wrote this post before the New Year. When I say "I do not want to feel bad," I am committing myself to determine why I feel bad. I am not saying that I never feel bad. It is obvious that I feel bad most of the time.)

This morning the bus left two minutes early, so I got in my car and drove. It would have sucked if I did not have a car.

I am trying to solve the contradiction between my appreciation of porn and my views on sex.

My goal in life is to purge emotions. I find no value in the primitive. There is no value in being cold from nakedness and lack of shelter. There is no value in hunger. There is no culture in poverty. I do not want to feel bad.

I appreciate beauty. Dave Brubeck's "Somewhere" makes me cry. Chekov and Hemingway's short stories excite me. Scoop Jackson's journalism elicits patriotic feelings. I do not want to be emotionless. I want to control my emotions. Being able to control emotions is humanity. It is God-like.

When I cry, I want to know why I am crying. When I am patriotic, I want to know why I am patriotic. When I love, I want to know why I am in love.

We have to get-off. We cannot bottle emotions and wait for ulcers.

This is where porn fits into the discussion. Porn consists of two consenting individuals having sex for monetary gain. They openly admit there actions are for pecuniary purposes. There are no implied contracts. The risks have been accounted for and reconciled. Emotions are being controlled.

Emotions are not controlled in many sexual relations. There usually is an implicit contract not fully understood by one party. Risks are not accounted for and not reconciled. The two parties do not understand why they are engaging in sexual activity.

Porn helps me control my emotions.

Napping, Morning Rituals, and Calculus

I have always thought that an early afternoon nap led to productive evenings, sometimes. I have never thought about the pleasure of a nap, until I read this post at A good nap does make me feel better about the world.

I find this post uplifting. I too often forget the beautiful things in the world.

This is how I am going to study for the qualifiers.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005


When I am lazy, I look through my "idea folder" which contains written reminders of moments in my life. I hope for inspiration. It rarely comes.

Today's search led me to our new department head's interview seminar. He said the department should reach out to urban areas as well as the rural areas traditionally focused on by our department. My smart-ass comment consisted of : "Who do we demonize? Suburbia."

Bastiat discussed this fallacy in 'The Petition of the Candlemakers." If you try to help everyone, then everyone loses. Urban (suburban) video and grocery store profits subsidize rural agriculture. The Left and politicians in general do not understand that production is required for subsidization. Production (really excess production but using excess will lead to confusion) makes taxes possible. Wealth does not materialize from the air.

On a different note, it is obvious that I do not want to do this type of work. I have something to say, but I am too scared to say it. I wrote in a book one time, that I "will be scared most of my life." I do not remember what I wrote after that, but I will be scared.

There comes a time when a man must stop talking to himself. He must enter the fray, be it with a lover or in an intellectual circle jerk. One must have a basic level of knowledge before he enters. After I finish reading Why I Write, I will be ready.

"A man dreams of leaving, but he always stays behind" from U2's "Lemon"

Monday, December 19, 2005

George Orwell's Why I Write

"I am not able, and I do not want, completely to abandon the world-view that I acquired in childhood. So long as I remain alive and well I shall continue to feel strongly about prose style, to love the surface of the earth, and to take pleasure in solid objects and scraps of useless information. It is no use trying to suppress that side of myself." (pgs. 8 and 9)

It really is no use.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

I Cannot Imagine Employment Where I Did Not Work Weekends

I guess I will always be a retail man.

Its not like what I am doing now is work. I have spent all day trying to decide if I want to start reading a book, if I want to clean my office, what do I want to stock my apartment with, making a list of things to do over break, checking finances, making video orders, asking myself how in the hell did I get here, and a hundred other meaningless things. Basically, I have done nothing.

I have read enough Hayek to know planning is futile. "We never failed to fail. It was the easiest thing to do."--C,S,N, and Y

I have to figure out how to ride the bus. I am sure that will be an adventure in itself.

Well, I should start cleaning the office. Or, maybe I should go to Wal-Mart. Or, maybe I should eat dinner.

"Thought I knew my mind like the back of my hand, the gold and the rainbow, but nothing panned out as I planned"--Indigo Girls "Watershed"

I wonder if they are libertarians...

How 'bout Them Cowboys

Key Word Economists

Tyler Cowen at worries about a Google nation here.

Education is becoming less about philosophical thinking and more about superficial answers to trivial questions.

Economics PhD courses are about getting correct answers to meaningless questions. Thinking about what the question really says is not allowed.

The question is what am I going to do about it.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

If Blogger Does Not Post And No One Notices...

I was trying to play on "a tree falling in the forest that no one hears," but I am too tired.

What I have learned in my twenty four years:

1. Moving is hell.

2. You cannot question your effort. We do as much as we can.

3. The internet is first and foremost entertainment.

4. Entrepreneurial freedom is the difference between liberty and slavery. A politician did not make the internet important. A politician did not make nationalized currencies work.

5. Sex is humans' last primal instinct. We have bastardized violence beyond primal. Violence has become secondary. Sex is still primary.

6. I do not know what happiness is. I think it is linked to getting out of bed in the morning.

Sunday, December 04, 2005


It was a difficult Saturday for me. Bridgewater got blown out of Delaware by Wesley. Virginia Tech laid an egg in the ACC Championship. Even though its been two months, the Braves' playoff collapse is stuck in my mind. I am convinced the Redskins will find a way to blow their game against the Rams (they did not).

My first reaction is to blame the coaches. The head coach at Bridgewater is a disciple of Frank Beamer. Like Bobby Cox, they rarely take chances. Also, Bridgewater and Virginia Tech's players are not out of control, but they do not take care of details. The Braves are so professional that people question their passion.

All three use their team's talent to defeat inferior teams. They win regular season games. But, they are not able to win big games on a consistent basis. The Braves and Virginia Tech (they did not beat USC or Auburn last year) speak for themselves. Bridgewater does not have a national championship. The last two times they got deep in the playoffs they got blown out in the quarter and semi-finals.

I fantasize about coaching. All intelligent ex-players think they could coach better than they were coached. I would not have attempted the field goal and went for the touchdown. I would have showed confidence in my offense. I would have slowed down the blitz with screens and outs. I would have found someone to throw the short and intermediate passes to keep the game close. I would have gotten Farnsworth out of there earlier. I would have found a player to get the big hit.

I am delusional. I could not do a better job. I am being a fan.

But, I have always identified with these teams. I am unable to win the big one myself. I am always in the office, but I am unable to find that great idea. I am confident that I will be pretty good at whatever I pursue, but I will not be the best. I lack discipline and face a talent shortage.

The thing I have to remember is that I would rather be around come championship time than sitting at home. The sad thing is the Redskins will win a Super Bowl before the Braves win another World Series or Bridgewater or Virginia Tech win a national championship.

One has to define success before he can achieve it. Right now, I am unable to define it.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Another Dopeless Hope Fiend

I read this statement in a bathroom stall on the second floor of the Alexander Mack library at Bridgewater College.

I try not to pay attention to compliments. I have too many flaws to worry about compliments.

A colleague told me that I overemphasize everyday occurrences. He meant it as a backhanded slap, and it irked me at first. But when you think about it, there is so much stupid shit that occurs daily, it needs to be overemphasized. Many do not see the imperfections around them. If I do, then that makes me special.

At Bridgewater two honors students told me that I got more out of reading and learning than the vast majority. They were both intelligent, and I valued their opinion. Many people learn and read superficially (like I did with my classes this semester). People do not understand why I write in the books that I read. To me, reading is a conversation between myself and the author. My notes are my side of the conversation. (They said this because a guy in my group was supposed to read a company's annual report. He did not show up to class, and I had to fill in for him. I was able to question the financial health of the company and answer the professor's questions after reading the report for five minutes. I was also able to take ideas we learned in economics classes and apply them. Very few could do that, especially since there were only four economics majors at Bridgewater.)

ML said I was too intense. I have been around enough good athletes to know what intensity really is. Intensity is underrated. Successful people have to be intense. It is a quality I value.

But, really, I am just another dopeless hope fiend.

Friday, December 02, 2005

I Usually Don't Do Stupid Stuff Like This

Copied from Random Ramblings who copied it from some "random blog."

1. YOUR DRAG NAME(first pet and street you live on)
Jazper Blue Ridge

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME(grandfather/grandmother on father's side first name, favorite snack)
James Everything

3. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME(first word you see on your left, favorite restaurant)
Coase Donthaveone

4. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME(first initial of first name, first three letters of your middle name)
Jder (What about Jere or Jerk?)

5. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME(favorite animal, name of high school)
Dog Western

(middle name, city where you were born)
Derek Crozet (I cheated, its really Derek Charlottesville)

7. YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME(name of dad/mom, cell phone company you use)
Brenda Alltel

8. YOUR STAR WARS NAME(first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother\'s maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet\'s name)
Maumawjab I like this one, and it is the only reason I posted.

I am much too serious.

"I Will Love You With All The Madness In My Soul"*

The Neo-Marxist told us last night that you have to care about what you are doing. His passionate speech made really think about what I am doing.

This discipline has hope. It holds didactic lessons that will survive the test of time. There will always be room for economic (political) philosophers. It is a valuable profession that has bastardized itself into something it is not.

My Albanian colleague: "America is better. These idiots with their noses turned up will never succeed until they realize that America is better."

Myself: "Well, America's system is better. Its institutions are better."

Albanian: "No, America is better, period."

We were really talking about productive individuals. A country is not great. Only individuals are great. It does not matter if they were American or not, but it was a good conversation.

America's commitment to the customer has made it the country it is today. It is why I struggle to understand my European professors. The customer (student) is sovereign in America. This mentality allows societal processes to find proper solutions to problems.

I am over the heptathlete.

*Bruce Springsteen

This is a great line. Men are crazy. They are primitive. They could snap at any second. Some do. But, the ones who find someone or something to love with all of the madness in their soul are cured of the curse. The ones who channel their craziness into devotion are the ones who succeed.