Things I Have Said In The Past

"Virginia Tech football will be Virginia Tech football. Beamer will win 8.5 games a year. He will always be near the top of a weak ACC. He will always have great athletes. He will always depend on defense and special teams. He will never show the offensive creativity it takes for teams to win national championships. He will get beat by superior coaches who have as much talent as he does. Sometimes he will get beat by superior coaches who have less talent than him."

And my thoughts on Glennon have not changed either.

The fact that Beamer told ECU that they wanted to redshirt Taylor would be a fireable offense at other schools. The value of "wait and see." The value of unpredictability is something that Beamer and Stinespring do not understand.

Lesson

One time in college we had a veteran team. It was getting towards the end of training camp. Everyone was getting hurt. Not severely injured, but nicked up. Coach decided to end camp early. He let us go to the pool to help us heal up. It was probably the most reasonable memory I have concerning coaches and training camps.

The thing about training camps is that for three weeks your life was football. We got up at 6:00AM. We went to breakfast at 6:30AM. We practiced to noon. We ate lunch and relaxed until 2:00 meetings. We practiced until 6:00PM. We ate dinner and then had meetings until 10:30PM. It was football all day long.

I hated it. I still do not know if it is productive. Athletics is about muscle memory. Muscle memory comes from conditioning. It comes from practice. But a lot of training camp is about getting through not honest practice.

The important thing, the freeing thing, is that you begin the season.

There is a lesson here for me. I do not know exactly what it is, but it is there.

Nothing Against Argentina

But I want total destruction.

I do not know where the Chinese got these fans, but they sound pro-Argentinean or anti-American.

I do not like the flopping in international basketball, but on the whole, it is a more physical game.

Officiating is horribly inconsistent.

Now it is time to refocus and finish the destruction.

Olympics

I have decided to watch at least some of the US-Argentina basketball game this morning. Part of me worries about jinxing them. Part of me is avoiding work. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do. This is why wireless Internet and laptop computers were designed.

Poor Service

I am sitting at this coffee shop. It has a big sign that says "No Wal-Mart." It has a container asking for donations to a legal fund to fight Wal-Mart. It is retro-hippie. It presents itself as a place where the counter-culture meets. A place where money does not matter even though it costs $2 for a cup of coffee.

Well it took the lady two minutes to wait on me. She didn't say "Thank you." She didn't say "Excuse me" or "I'm sorry" when I was waiting for her to refill the coffee pots.

Sometimes you have to make a stand. Sometimes you have to say "No more." We'll see how long it lasts, because I do like the place.

"You have to stand for something, or you will fall for anything."

Hard, Not Easy

He was always a cool guy. At least he thought he was cool. Conversation came easy to him. He genuinely liked people. Sometimes he talked too much. But he was cool.

Then it happened. He said something stupid, not entirely untrue, but stupid.

He was not cool anymore. He tried to tell himself that "coolness" was self-defined. But he had always lived by others' definitions. He couldn't change that now.

He guessed he would gradually accept his new position. But it would be hard, not easy.

It Kind Of Comes To You

I was a center. Sometimes we had turn-back pass protection. Sometimes a nose tackle lined up in the A gap between me and the guard. The middle linebacker was responsible for the other A gap. I was responsible for the middle linebacker. But if he didn't come I was supposed to help the guard with the nose tackle. But I always had to keep my eye on the middle linebacker. No matter what I did I couldn't get it right in practice. "Damn it, you got to help out more. Damn it, the middle linebacker is going to kill our quarterback. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Shit you are going to kill us Bastiat, F-ing kill us." It didn't matter what I did. I did it wrong. I hated after-practice film session. I hated turn-back protection. I felt helpless. I knew what not to do. But I had no clue what to do.

I asked the starting center. He said "When you get in the game, it kind of comes to you."

"We Only Got 4 Minutes To Save The World"*

Why would anyone make a trade with Billy Beane or the San Antonio Spurs or the New England Patriots?

If Beane or Popovich or Belicheck called me and said I have a deal for you, I would certainly think myself out of it. I know the limitations of moneyball, but the biggest disparity in professional sports today is upper managerial talent. There are no Michael Phelps in MLB, the NBA or the NFL. There is just too much competition. Baseball, basketball, and football are too developed. Too many talented kids want to go pro.

This begs the question. How has Phelps done it? Some of it has to do with the nature of individual verus team sports. Phelps only depends on other guys in relays, but he must be a freak of nature.

Have you ever started to write something and it does not go anywhere? It does not make sense. It is just writing to be doing something.

I have.

*That Justin Timberlake song 4 minutes featuring Madonna.

5:26PM

All day just waiting.

Will The Package Be Delivered?

I have sat here all day. It has become a test of will. Very rarely do I not go to the office when I am in town. I have worked it out where I can work from home, but I hate sitting here waiting for a package that might or might not come.

Some Things

1. Waiting around for UPS sucks. There has to be a better way. Especially when the package could fit into my mailbox. My libertarian side likes the innovation that UPS and FedEx has brought to the market, but waiting around sucks.

2. Missing UPS sucks too. I did that Friday and yesterday.

3. At least I am reaping some of the benefits of the air conditioning I am paying for each month.

4. This is another post, but it wasn't the gas.

5. I enjoy reading. But there comes a time in a man's life where he has to write. Reading is and should be mostly recreation. Life is not all recreation.

Preliminary Interviews

Some are good. Some are bad. Some are in-between.

I will be fine.

But like with most things, it comes down to want-to.

The best advice I heard came from a banking consultant: "Just finish. Don't worry about perfection. Just finish and sharpen your communication skills. No one really cares about your research. They care if you can explain your research. They care if you can talk."

A Mental Health Post

This is going to sound like self-pity. It probably is, but sometimes "talking about it helps."

Yesterday morning the Blazer quits. I call AAA. The guy comes. It starts up the first time for him. It was low on gas, but it should have had at least 2-3 gallons left. I couldn't fill up, because it was running so bad Sunday.

"I bet it just doesn't have enough gas in it," the tow driver says.

"Well, I have AAA Plus. I get five gallons of gas free. Should I call again?."

"I ain't coming back out here again." My place is less than three miles from his shop. I wanted to punch the asshole in between the eyes. I wanted to call AAA just for the hell of it.

I take it to the shop less than 1/2 mile from apartment. I was going to let the guy take it back to his shop even though I've never been there, but that became out of the question. He drops it off on level ground. It runs right back into a spot with out shutting off. He doesn't repeat "I bet it is just the gas." But I know he is thinking it. I want to rip his head off.

See here is what I was trying to get at in the battery post. I am an intelligent male. I know a lot of things. But I don't know enough about cars. I am logical, but I don't know that sometimes, especially when you are on a hill, and your car is old, 2 gallons of gas might not be enough. I could spend time learning about cars, but that would be unproductive. So when a "car" guy demonstrates how ignorant I am about cars, I get angry. I feel helpless. I feel like I am not a man. I feel like shit.

I go in to the shop and report my problems. It is a new front-desk guy which scares me. He is emotionless. He doesn't decrease the shit or helpless feelings. I think about calling AAA to get those 5 free gallons. That would make me feel better. But I don't.

The guy calls me back after lunch. It was nothing simple. But they were busy. So I would have to wait until today to get the final news.

He calls again this morning. After they took more things apart, the flow chart told them that it was a $1100 repair. The guy indirectly tells me it isn't worth it. He also tells me that it seems to be working okay now, but he is confident that it won't last. He tells me about the new car he just got. I finally say that I will pick it up and make a decision after I go to Orlando next week.

I decide that it is time to move forward and buy something else. I call my Dad. He calls his "car" man. I decide that when I get back from Orlando, I will definitely buy something else.

I pick the Blazer up. The diagnostic fees were over $100. It runs fine to the gas station. I put 18.25 gallons of gas into an 18 gallon tank.

All I can think: "Maybe it was just the gas."

A Million Things To Do And A Car That Does Not Work

Pat Jordan discussing his uncle in A Nice Tuesday:

"He could have let that disappointment overwhelm him, make him bitter or, even worse, self-pitying. But he never did. He never found an excuse to be unhappy. My uncle was a happy man because he knew happiness was not a given. It was not something deserved. It was something to be worked at, created out of any little thing at hand. My uncle was a master at finding joy and wonder in life's minutest details that the rest of us so often overlook in our pursuit of grander pleasures. Like that toast. It was the most perfect buttered toast I have ever had."

It Is Friday Or Things I Learned This Week

1. When one has a thousand things to do, he has to start somewhere.

2. Participating in an experiment at a major research university is not worth it. No matter how much they are willing to pay. I did discover I was partially colorblind.

3. I had to buy another phone charger. It is cheaper to have a charger for every place you can possibly be at then to buy a new battery.

4. Fiber is key to feeling good.

Something

I am riding the bus one afternoon to pick up my Blazer from the garage. This older guy gets on. He asks the driver about his kids. His English is unrefined. His attire suggests poverty. But he loves his kids. He wants to make sure they got off at an earlier stop. They did. He wanted to make sure they were okay.

My sympathies go out to the man. Poverty haunts me. There were things I wanted that I did not get as a kid. We weren't poor. I have never been hungry. But I empathize. There were times when I felt poor. Feeling poor is the worst feeling I have ever experienced. Seeing poverty reminds me that I have a heart. Seeing poverty makes me want to cry.

What do I do? Rent movies. Employ people. Do economic research? Teach his children?

Do I keep on rockin' in the free world?

It is all about doing something.

High School Students

I taught some Governor's school students. It wasn't teaching. I just let them do "research" and play economic games on the computer. They focused for about 45 minutes, then they screwed around for 30. Part of the problem was every five minutes of their day were structured. They were young, but kids should have some freedom in the summer.

They talked about college, SATs, and facebook. They did the classic (at least at my high school) UVA versus William and Mary debate. One guy spent the last 30 minutes doing the "SAT question of the day."

There was a lonely girl who kept to herself. A beautiful girl who hadn't discovered her beauty yet. There were some girls who talked continuously to hide their lack of confidence. There were some guys who I wanted to punch in the face. The guys who I hated in high school. The guys of wealth and privilege, the glamour boys, the guys whom things had come too easy to. The guys who needed their ass kicked.

In ten years none of the stuff they were worrying about would matter. I wanted to expose the lies that SAT scores and "good" colleges that overly concerned parents were spreading. I wanted to tell them to go to a couple of field parties before they graduated. I wanted to tell them "everything was going to be okay."

But I didn't. I just let them continue to fool around on the computers.

Sports Thoughts

1. The Brett Farve thing is out of control. I don't know how I feel about it. Everyone seems to be behaving foolishly. I am sure interested in seeing how it will all play out.

2. I cannot decide if the Braves should give up the season and trade Teixeira or not. Part of me thinks they are underachieving. Another part of me thinks they might be overachieving. I just expected more consistent offensive production.

3. I watched a little Arena football today. I liked it but not enough to watch the Arena bowl next week.

4. I learned a lot from playing sports. There are sports guys and there are non-sports guys. Don't get caught on the wrong side of that line.

Morning Contradictions Or Are They?

My response to Atlas Shrugged:

Life affirming. No doubt. I am right. I am the only one who can let them win. I have to give them the moral sanction.

But why did Eddie Willers and Rearden's secretary have to go. It is the pompous poverty professor thing again, the failure to understand the proletariat. Eddie Willers kept a good number of trains from crashing, probably as many as Dagny. In the end, like some in Rand's cult, Galt's crew gave up. I can't get past that. Fahrenheit 451--I'm no good in the woods.

I am not as great as her characters were. But I have to succeed. I am getting to the point in life where it is live or die. If I choose death, this book will always be in my library to remind me of life. That is the beauty and curse of memory. All I can ask myself on 2/20/2005 is to produce. Do not produce dribble and horseshit like I saw at Friday's circle jerk, but produce something worthy.

Life and production not death and taxes.


And the Einstein Quote of the Day:

"A person starts to live when he can live outside himself."

Recharging Batteries

The other week my Blazer would not start. My lights worked, but it would not start. I called AAA and told them I needed a tow. The guy came. He explained even though my lights worked my old battery could not start the Blazer. He gave me a charge. It started. I parked it at the garage. The garage replaced my battery.

The whole ordeal reminded me of how little I know about cars. It reminded me of how little I know.

At first I was upset. How have I made it through life so ignorant? How can I continue to make it through life so ignorant?

But then I remembered that is why I got AAA in the first place.

Something I Heard And Something I Wrote In A Email

"I get up every morning and do the best I can. Most of the time this is good enough. Some times it isn't. But I get up every morning anyway."


I am a professional writer. No, I am a professional communicator. I get paid to write. I might eventually get paid to teach. I will get paid to communicate. But I have never embraced being a professional communicator. Yeah, I read a good amount. But I have never embraced the fact that I get paid to communicate. Maybe I have not embraced being a "professional." But the common theme I have found among most good writers and communicators, is that they go to their "office" to write and they care about what they are communicating. What this has to do with anything I don't know, but I feel like it is some sort of personal break-through.



The guy emailed back that our main purpose in life was communication. He complained that communicating with his wife was the greatest challenge he ever faced.

Some More

Another post on futures markets and speculation.

It will all work itself out.

Life Is Funny

Someone else on oil speculation, just in time.

And someone else on irrational fears. Wal-mart cannot rule the world.

"Don't believe in rock 'n' roll
Can really change the world
As it spins in revolution
It spirals and turns"

It spirals and turns, baby.

"This is my life
It's what I've chosen to do
There are no free rides
No one said it'd be easy"

No one said it would be easy, did they?

Some Things

1. To answer's GGM's question, the government will and would screw any reforms up. I say this from a purely ideological standpoint. I will say the same thing about any attempt for government reform. Endy points it out better than I can. Sometimes speculators win. Sometimes they lose. As my old finance professor asked, "Why does bread stay the same price all year?" What would reducing speculation really do except make things more volatile most of the time?

2. Economists should champion optimism in times of pessimism. So look at all of the evidence for self-correction. I have driven for 1200 miles in the last two weeks. Every time a car passed me, I compared its fuel efficiency to the Blazer. Almost every new car I see gets more than 30 miles per gallon. The buses are more crowded. I have organized my computers to be able to work from home more often. I hitched a seven hour ride with two guys that I moderately despise. "The times they are a changin'." It will be tough, but everything is going to work out eventually.

3. What I am saying is I haven't thought about or studied gas prices very much. This is probably a good thing. Adaptability is the only trait that matters.

4. Last year there was a drought. This year I am low on blood because of mosquitoes. Uncertainty abounds. We adapt.

5. The Wal-Mart oil change tradeoff is why I got into economics in the first place. The only thing I know is that there is no optimal answer. That is why there is a non-Wal-Mart oil change place on every corner. That is why no single entity can ever rule the world. We adapt.

Oil Changes, Wal-Mart, And Disposability

I get my oil changed at Wal-Mart. I figure they cannot mess it up too bad. My regular mechanic would charge me more and tell me everything that was wrong with the piece of shit. The guys at Wal-Mart change the oil, make sure there is air in the tires, and let me go on my merry way. I like this, even though, every time I am waiting, they screw-up something on someone else's car. It usually has to do with tires, so I guess I am okay.

The beauty of Wal-Mart is that it has turned most everything into a disposable product. I buy a $8 shirt or jeans, I wear them for a while, but I do not care if they rip or get stained. They are only $8 and replaceable at a moment's notice. The other day I bought a $9 coffee maker. All I could think was as long as it made coffee 10-15 times, then it was worth it.

Now GGM will surely point out the sadness in all of this. I like quality stuff too. But right now, when times are tough, I am really thankful for $8 jeans and $9 coffee makers.

A Story I Have Told A Thousand Times Or Fear Is A Two Way Street

When I was in middle school, we played football after school. It was me and a bunch of mediocre athletes. No, I am a less than a mediocre athlete. So it was me and a bunch of boys who were less athletic than me. Me competing against inferior athletes was mostly due to circumstance. It is also me revisiting and revising my youth.

I did not run the ball often. But when I did I would spit. I would claw. I would keep my feet moving. I would punish the mediocrity that was trying to tackle me.

So this one time, my team was losing. I decided we needed a quick score. I ran the ball. This hockey player tried to wrap me up. A central Virginia hockey player was trying to tackle me. I had to punish the mediocrity. I elbowed him square in the temple. He went down. I scored the touchdown.

"You killed him." The guy was still laying on the ground like he was dead with everyone huddled around him.

"He shouldn't have tried to tackle me." I jogged over to make sure he wasn't really dead.

He eventually got up. He suffered no long-term effects. No one's mother ever knew. He has a wife, two kids, and a career in the Navy.

We finished the game.

But I ran the ball less often.

Einstein Quote Of The Day

"God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically."

It Is Not Missing The Bus By Twenty Seconds

It is how I react to missing the bus by twenty seconds. At least that is what I have to keep telling myself.

Some Things

1. I went home at 5:15PM. I ate dinner. I read about Tom Seaver. I came back to the office at 6:30PM. So what?

2. Before I went home I read this. I am talking about something I know nothing about, but the old-school sports columnists (not profilers like Jordan, Rick Reily comes to mind) take themselves too seriously. Every now and then, they hit a poignant subject, but most of the time their insecurities and their jealously of athletes comes through. I find most of their writing empty. I like Simmons most of the time, because he is objective about his subjectivity. He always reminds me that he is writing his opinion. I still like Whitlock, because he obviously cares. (Maybe I like him for his libertarian slant on many issues.) The point here is that good writing is hard to come by.

3. I have gotten old. I enjoy sports writing more than watching the games. I find this very disturbing. I need to go to a baseball game.

4. The vast majority of shit does not matter. I must accept this.

5. Even though George Carlin is gone, everything is going to be all right. It will never be the same, but life's comedy will not stop.

Video Stores Or Why Family Businesses Fail

1. My Dad turned down a thirty days free account for a cash on delivery account. "It is just easier." I had the whole thing worked out, but the woman bypassed me and went to the old man. I guess she knew what she was doing. I guess he knows what he is doing.

2. He is complaining about documentaries and foreign films not creating high enough returns. He has a point. But the idea was always to develop a yuppie-artsy clientele that liked going to video stores with documentaries and foreign films. To build this clientele there has to be some cross-subsidization.

3. We have the best employee we have ever had. She is organized and driven. She makes us a lot of money. But she does not share my vision. This combined with number one and two infuriates me. I might just be an absentee buyer, but I would rather not care than be this angry.

Tomorrow Does Not Exist

1. Tomorrow is just another concept like infinity or demand or supply. It doesn't mean a damn thing. I find this comforting.

2. In the Father's Day Wiffle Ball Game, I was 2-2 with two homers. Then it rained before it was an official game erasing my stats.

3. I saw a yard sale sign that said "Moving Sale Write Here." The people were moving away because they had just finished their doctorate degrees.

4. I lost four out of seven games playing basketball. I won the sixth and seventh game, because the other guy had played hard for the first five. I guess I was waiting to "turn on the jets." I am certainly waiting for something.

For The Record

I find the majority of the posts on this blog sad. I hope to one day look back at all of this, and say: "Wow, that was a difficult time in your life. I am so glad you finally got over yourself. I am so glad you stopped being your own worst enemy. I just don't know why it took so long."

Soul Searching Or This Goes Nowhere

I am behaviorist. I have no idea what that technically means. I doubt if it means anything. It would be better to say I am an addict. No, I am like an addict.

I have habits. Most of them are bad. Most of them are destructive.

After my second movie in my second night, I was complaining. My girlfriend told me that my problem is that I can not enjoy anything, because in my mind, there is always something left undone. When I was at the movie, I was concerned about my unfinished dissertation. When I was working on my dissertation, I was worried about not watching movies and getting a job. I have difficulty finishing, focusing, and letting go. These fears make my life much more difficult.

Now I have known all of this for some time. (Most of my posts concern these subjects.) I have made studying self-help books and productivity porn a pastime. The solutions I have found have all been the same: set goals, establish habits to meet these goals, and then you will be successful. I interpret this as the backwards induction model or as the planning model.

But I do not believe in planning. Planning always leads to failure because of uncertainty. One day the alarm clock does not go off. One day someone needs help moving. Random events screw up the plan. One would have to create an infinite number of contingency plans. And honestly, the screw-ups usually turn out to be better than the original plan. I wrote one time: "I want to prove that the world works even if it doesn't make sense." I really want to do this, even though I don't know what "proves" means in a world that doesn't make sense. I am a behaviorist.

I am beginning to realize that this aversion to planning and goal-setting is bullshit. I am addicted to being unhappy. I am addicted to indecisiveness. I am addicted to not having goals and plans. My habits confirm these addictions. All addictions are empty in the long-run.

Some of my addictions stem from genuine curiosity. I am interested in many things but only for short periods. Maybe it is because of Nintendo. Maybe it is just me.

I know this. My dad and uncles are the same way. I will never be happy working for someone else. I will never be happy if I consider myself "stuck." I know this. But instead of recognizing it and adopting the singlemindness that it takes to put oneself in unstuck positions, I continue with my "stuck" habits and addictions.

I have no idea exactly what I am saying here. But things are much clearer in my mind.

I just have to finish.

Three Movies Three Nights

Iron Man was another good Marvel film. It didn't pretend to be more than it was. It remained wonderfully fake without feeling fake. It reminded me of X-Men. Good actors, slick dialogue, and good special effects. Just like a good comic book.


I felt similarly about The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. Of course, it was deeper because of C.S. Lewis, but I enjoyed the action and the pace. I will leave the deep thoughts for some other night. As my Dad says, "It kept me awake past midnight, it must have been pretty damn good."


Sex and the City did something I always wanted to try. It made a movie based on Don Henley's "The Heart of the Matter." After watching it, I do not want to try anymore.

I am still young and dumb. I know very little about anything. But eventually one has to wake up and put childish things away. One has to "fuck the bullshit" and live life for happiness. Pride, the accumulation of fashion, and living like you are twenty lead to one looking like they have been "rode hard and put up wet." There is nothing prideful or fashionable or youthful about looking leathery. The women of Sex and the City look old and worn out, and in the end, they admit it.

It just took them too long to get there.

I Need A Jump Start

Blogging is useless. It is wasteful. It is intellectual masturbation for non-intellectuals. It is psychology without a professional. It is excessive. It is dangerous.

But I like it. Yes I do.

I wanted to write a "Why I Blog" post, but I could not come up with any reason other than "Some times I want to bitch and complain."

Some times I want to bitch and complain, and that is good enough for me.

Best Quote I Heard In A While

And if you try to bring up how sensationally he played on a gloomy night when the seven Spurs outside of the Duncan-Tony Parker-Barry troika combined for just 16 points, Barry said: "It's like putting whipped cream on s---."

What I Learned Today, Email To Sam, And Thoughts On Experimental Economics

Sam said I needed to expand on these, but expansion is overrated.

1. Being professional and organized are the keys to success. It is all about time management and getting something done everyday.

2. Someone needs to really reexamine experimental economics. Levitt and List (2007) tried to do this, but they miss the point. Field experiments are as uninteresting and uninformative as laboratory experiments and econometric analysis on revealed preferences. McCloskey's rhetoric argument comes to mind. We are all telling stories. The beauty of stories is that at the end the reader defines what the moral (meaning) is.

3. I readily admit I am an idiot, but "bias" has no relevance in economics. This is also a big problem with experimental economics. The experimenter has to define "bias." This makes "bias" subjective.

4. I want to be an applied economist. I want to apply the "economic way of thinking" to relevant problems. Yes, "economic way of thinking" and relevant are subjective.

I will settle for a job that pays well and has good benefits.

Sports Thoughts

1. I could not watch the Pistons last night. I care too much. I do not like the Celtics, and I have a feeling that this is going to be a rough series for the Pistons.

2. The National League is getting screwed with this 16 versus 14 team alignment. You can take this argument further and break it down to divisions. A six team division versus a four team division. Is this a big deal? Probably not. But it bothers the hell out of me.

3. I am reading David Halberstram's The Education of a Coach about Bill Belechick. I still say it is about luck.

Some Thoughts

1. Pat Jordan should write an article about Seth Greenberg. There is a classic shade of gray Jordan story there.

2. I cannot stand people saying "Well, you have the right to your opinion." What does that mean? If you do not agree with me, tell me why. If you are tired of arguing, then you must be wrong. This is as bad as saying "You are biased."

3. Some times the world seems fake. People seem fake. Existence seem fake. These times create religion. This is why people talk about "living for a higher cause." But that seems fake too. Reality has to be perception. Perception is all we have.

Thinking, Time, The Next Five Minutes, Athletes And Other Shit

I stay away from others' comments. I read them. They make me feel self-important. I am saddened by this self-importance. So I stay away.

But in the last post some things came up. It is obvious I do not practice what I preach. One cannot blog at 9:49AM from his office about how important it is to to get up and go to work. This blog is not my work. It cannot be. I get paid to bullshit about integrated pest management in the United States. I do not get paid to blog.

This being said, my work requires me to have portfolio of ideas at all times. It requires me to read. It requires me to be up-to-date with things going on in the world around me. It allows me to examine many ideas and increase my "knowledge." Maybe allows is a better word.

I am a knowledge worker. I do not possess any physical skills. I do not perform manual labor. My "knowledge," my "human capital," my capacity to bullshit earns my salary. This is what college degrees do. They turn people into professional bullshitters.

I wish I could romanticize this fact. I cannot. All I can say is that "some of this bullshit is kind of cool."

To be good at anything, one has to focus. One has to concentrate on the task in front of him. He has to take control of the the next five minutes. Just the next five minutes, nothing else matters.
I agree with Jeff. Jim Brown would run that lily white motherfucker over. He would not think about it. He would just do it. I have to bullshit about integrated pest management well enough to get me a job.

I agree with Sam. I have to maintain a portfolio of ideas. This will be key to getting a job. A portfolio of ideas requires thinking. It does not require worrying. Worrying is a waste of time. I cannot continue to waste time. I cannot continue to have too much time on my hands. Life is much too short.

So I am going to quit fucking around. I was fortunate enough to be around some good athletes. The one common thread between all succesful athletes is training and focus. They train and focus to the point where they cannot worry. They gain knowledge in their training, but when they play, they just do. All they care about is the next play or event. All the other shit leaves their mind, and they just do.

I have been like this before, and I will be like it again. And I am going to stay away from others' comments.

"The trouble with talking
Is it makes you sound clever
The trouble with waiting
Is you’ll just wait forever

There’s a loop of excuses
That plays in your mind
And makes the truth
Even harder to find"

What Successful People Have Done

And they got up in the the morning and went to work.

And they worked.

And they did not let others' perceptions cloud their work.

And they did not let their own perceptions cloud their work.

And they did not let depression stop their work.

And they integrated their experiences, their successes, and most importantly their failures into their work.

And when the day had ended and their work was done, they allowed the day to end and their work to be done.

A Good Blog Post

Joe Posnanski's "Roses and Bosses."



Yeah, he is talking about Pete and Springsteen.

Again With Pat Jordan

"The end of innnocence" or what Major League Baseball is really about.

Being Here Versus Being There

Life requires focus. Well, the good life requires focus.

Life can only be lived now. The past does not matter. Past futures tell us that everything ends up alright. It gives us information, but that does not matter either. All we have is now. Every future depends on now, right now, the next second of your life. The next second is all that I control.

This is certainly not new information. It has been with us since the beginning. In fact, Jeff and GGM have said it better on this blog.

But it is the hardest lesson I have ever tried to learn. It is a lesson that I continuously forget. A lesson I have to relearn over and over again.

But everything ends up alright. That has to be good enough for me.

Cuba Is No Utopia

My dad is proven wrong.

When Texiera leaves next year, will Pena or McCann take over at first base?

Things I Learned This Afternoon

1. Shooting basketball, not playing, but just shooting does wonders for me. I start focusing on putting the ball just over the rim. I forget about how many I make. I just shoot. I have noticed younger guys (and maybe older guys too) do not feel this way. They want to play. They want to compete. They cannot see the value in focusing on putting the ball just over the rim.

2. A shower in the middle of the day especially warm days also does wonders for me. Feeling clean and refreshed is important to mental well-being. Some times morning showers just do not "take." Also, especially on warm days, a luke-warm to mildly cool shower makes you feel better than a hot shower because they "take" much better. It is hard at first to accept the cold water, but afterwards it does feel better.

Some More Good Sports Writing

Ray Allen is obsessive (via Bill Simmons).

The article reminded me of this post. The guys who are really good are different. As Coach Spencer used to say "They march to the beat of their own fucking drummer."

There is nothing wrong with being different.

Conversation

A: I don't trust non-parametric econometrics.

B: You mean you don't understand non-parametric econometrics.

A: No...I don't trust econometricians.

B: What do you mean? You don't trust people in general?

A: I don't trust anyone who analyzes data that they did not have any hand in creating. It just seems foolish. Why would anyone attempt to answer a question or understand a problem through someone else's eyes? There seems to be a step missing to me.

Academia

Arnold Kling discusses academia.

One has to define success before he can achieve it.

Bitterness has destroyed many men. I have to do what I care about, what I am passionate about. There is no other way.

Now I have to discover what I care and am passionate about. Working on my resume has helped me realize this.

I am starting to understand that a resume is just as much about the future as it is the past.

Bottled Water

I do not enjoy drinking water. I prefer diet soda.

I have tried. Sometimes I compromise with tea, coffee, and sugar-free drink mixes. But I always go back to diet soda.

Yesterday I bought a 24 pack of half-liter bottles of watter. I have done this before and will probably do it again. I usually use the bottles for the sugar-free drink mixes. It usually takes me three months to finish the 24 pack.

I am dehydrated. Dehydration leads to fatigue, headaches, and muscle cramps. I consume too much caffeine. This worsens my acid reflux which rots my esophagus.

What do I do?

The answer is to drink water. No matter if it is from a bottle or the fountain. Just do it.

This post has no point but represents me recognizing a problem and attempting to correct it.

Postive Thoughts

Over The Rhine's "We’re Gonna Pull Through"

You take your own sweet time
Order us a glass of wine
And wink at all the rich folks in the room
We’re gonna pull through

We’ve been careful, we’ve been good
Doing most of the things we should
But the picture is much bigger than we knew
We’re gonna pull through

There’s no such thing as cool
And we’re gonna pull through

I’d rather feel your heat
On a wicked winter day
Than watch a holiday parade

With dancers and balloons
We’re gonna pull through

You hold me just the same way
Levon would play
And The Weight is my favorite song
We’re gonna pull through

Breaking our own rules
We’re gonna pull through

Maybe, sorta, kinda
If I really had to say
Something good is on its way
And we’re gonna pull through

Another Football Story

Spence was a chiseled fullback. Two inches taller and he would have been Division I.

Stew was a sinewy cornerback. He was an all-conference long jumper, an above average Division III athlete.

I was an un-athletic center. A senior who had broke his leg as a junior. Now I could barely move to my left. I was always a step slow even for an offensive lineman. The leg made things worse.

It was Friday. Practice consisted of getting your uniform for Saturday’s game, screwing around, walking through tomorrow’s plans, screwing around, running when your special team was called, and screwing around some more. We then got in a circle, yelled “Win!” in unison, and went back to the locker room.

I had my cleats off. I stood up to take my shorts and jock off. My locker was next to Stew’s. He was 49. I was 50.

“You motherfucker!” Stew crashed into me, Spence on top of him shouting at the top of his lungs. My surgically repaired leg buckled. I barely scooted away in time.

Some other guys stepped into to break it up. I had no idea what the whole thing was about. It was not important.

Spence solidified his reputation as a truly crazy motherfucker. Stew remained a nice guy who had trouble knowing when to stop trying to be funny, a guy who won more accolades than Spence, but never earned the respect or fear from teammates that Spence did.

All I could think about was what if? What if my surgically repaired leg had snapped? What if I had been hurt? What if one of them had been seriously hurt?

I guess none of those things mattered after we won Saturday.

Sometimes You Just Have To Win

When I was a senior in high school, I was the bench press king of the weight lifting class.

In February, I put up 300 pounds to put myself well-ahead of the offensive guard I played beside's 275. He played baseball, so he was not a threat for the rest of the year. The old coach rang a bell when someone put up 300. It was a nice moment.

(Our football program was going through a down period at the time. That is why these weights are a little low. We also had a very anti-supplement coach. I did not learn how to lift intelligently until college. I did not learn about nutrition until after college. Also many seniors quit lifting after football season and concentrated on curls and the things curls can bring a horny mannish-boy.)

But then in April, out of nowhere, a big ol' boy from the holler who was in the other class put up 300. I failed at 315.

The last max out was during the exam period. I maxed 315 on my second try. But the big ol' boy still had a chance to beat me the next day.

His class (and himself) decided to play basketball instead of maxing. I won by default.

A future Division I track prospect who did not lose in high school let me know of my championship. He said something to me like "You didn't want to win like that."

We had won only three football games total in my junior and senior years. I choked at the regional track meet and failed to make states. I replied "Sometimes you just have to fucking win."

I was a wise eighteen-year old.

Another Pat Jordan Story

Here it is.

What I See

I walk to the bus. I see people talking and texting on cell phones. I see different brands and features. I see cars. I see different brands, sizes, fuel requirements and social signals.

I do not see one kind of anything. I do not see optimality. I see opinions, some foolish, some intelligent.

Some people minimize risk. Some people do not give a damn about risk. Some people consider risk a "spice of life." Some people buy lottery tickets. Some people buy insurance. Some people buy both.

When there is no optimality, when there is no "best" answer, when we just do not know, what do we do?

I better do something.

Laziness Or Discpline

I fix turkey breakfast sausage for breakfast. I burn it. It is not enough for lunch.

Instead of spending money, I eat four inches of the cold turkey smoked sausage that I left in the office. I eat a couple raw almonds.

Come 6:00PM, I am starving. I miss the Kroger bus. I catch the 7:15PM "go home" bus. I cook some freezer burned chicken tenders and eat a salad. I have a chocolate ricotta Splenda dessert.

I feel fat, full, and content. I guess that is all one can ask out life.

Pat Jordan

I have to read A False Spring.

I Am Slowly Learning To Deal With Life

I woke up this morning. I didn't know what to do.

I have things to do. I have things to mourn.

I get to the office after 9:00AM. I check my Email. I have more things to do.

More things to do doesn't make the things to mourn disappear.



"Rockin' In The Free World by Neil Young
--------
There's colors on the street
Red, white and blue
People shufflin' their feet
People sleepin' in their shoes
But there's a warnin' sign on the road ahead
There's a lot of people sayin' we'd be better off dead
Don't feel like Satan, but I am to them
So I try to forget it, any way I can.

Keep on rockin' in the free world,
Keep on rockin' in the free world
Keep on rockin' in the free world,
Keep on rockin' in the free world.

I see a woman in the night
With a baby in her hand
Under an old street light
Near a garbage can
Now she puts the kid away, and she's gone to get a hit
She hates her life, and what she's done to it
There's one more kid that will never go to school
Never get to fall in love, never get to be cool.

Keep on rockin' in the free world,
Keep on rockin' in the free world
Keep on rockin' in the free world,
Keep on rockin' in the free world.

We got a thousand points of light
For the homeless man
We got a kinder, gentler,
Machine gun hand
We got department stores and toilet paper
Got styrofoam boxes for the ozone layer
Got a man of the people, says keep hope alive
Got fuel to burn, got roads to drive.

Keep on rockin' in the free world,
Keep on rockin' in the free world
Keep on rockin' in the free world,
Keep on rockin' in the free world."


---

Two Discoveries And Academic Writing

I listened to Rudy Ray Moore last night. I assure you it was an enlightening experience. I am laughing as I write this post.

I linked to some articles written by Pat Jordan after reading about him here. He is a "pull no punches" writer that knows and has played sports.

I read and enjoyed two Pat Jordan articles this morning. I labored through three academic articles this afternoon. I just do not understand the purpose of much academic writing. All of the important (if there are any important) things are listed in the abstract. The rest is just excruciating details about nothing, nothing whatsoever.

I bet the average readership (introduction to conclusion) of any academic article is less than twenty-five.

Could a popular writer make a living with this kind of readership?

Dreams

1. I am in a graduate macroeconomics class. Our department head is teaching it. We get our first exam back. Like most of my classmates, I get less than 25% of the possible points. One student gets a very high percentage of the points. The department head is going over the test and made every thing seem simple. All the answers were based on straightforward game theory.

Except for the department head and the simplicity, this was a whole lot like my graduate macroeconomics class.

2. I am back in my 12th grade English class taking a test. I am with students I currently know. They keep talking to me. They won't shut up. I can't finish the test. Time is running out, and there is no way I am going to finish. People keep talking to me. I am freaking out.

I wake up and remember I do not have anymore classes to take. But this is a reoccurring dream.

3. The Virginia Tech basketball team makes the Final Four as a 10 seed. I keep saying they are no good. They only made it to the quarterfinals of the NIT. They are a 10 seed. But they make it to the Final Four.

Maybe this was a premonition about next year.

Some Things I Have Learned

1. Cheap jeans are cheap. Cheap jeans cover your ass. They help with cash flow. But they are cheap. No one will ever make the cover of GQ wearing Wal-Mart jeans. I do not care about making the cover of GQ. I like cheap jeans for most purposes, but they are cheap.

2. My home computer works 3/4 of the time. My office computer works 5/6 of the time. That other 1/4 and 1/6 of the time has taken years off my life.

3. I have bought four generic phone chargers. Over the same time I have had one original Motorola charger. Motorola chargers are twice as expensive as generic chargers. My phone battery works 1/2 the time. The generic chargers have the tendency to constantly switch from charging to not charging when they begin to fail. I am sure this has not had a good effect on my battery. Again it is a cash flow issue.

4. To put these cash flow issues behind me, I have to work harder. Move forward. Move forward. Move forward.

My Day

Most of my day consists of bullshit. Sometimes I like it. Sometimes I don't. And it really does not matter as long as I continue to subsist.

"What's Your Favorite Color?"* Or The Subjective Theory Of Value

Living Colour's "Open Letter"

(v. reid, additional lyrics by t. morris)

Now you can tear a building down
But you can’t erase a memory
These houses may look all run down
But they have a value you can’t see...

This is my neighborhood
This is where I come from
I call this place my home
You call this place a slum
You wanna run all the people out
This what you’re all about
Treat poor people just like trash
Turn around and make big cash

Chorus: now you can tear a building down
But you can’t erase a memory
These houses may look all run down
But they have a value you can’t see

Last month there was a fire
I saw seven children die
You sent flowers to their family
But your sympathy’s a lie
Cause every building that you burn
Is more blood money that you earn
We are forced to relocate
from the pain that you create

Chorus

We lived here for so many years
Now this house is full of fear
For a profit you will take control
Where will all the older people go?
There used to be when kids could play
Without the scourge of drug’s decay
Now our kids are living dead
They crack and blow their lives away

Chorus

You’ve got to fight
You’ve got a right
To fight for your neighborhood!

*Living Colour's "What's Your Favorite Color"

I Almost Bought A Honda Fit

But I am going to think about it some more. The sales person assures me it will be gone tomorrow, but we will see.

Two Other Thoughts

1. One of my first sports memories is Danny Manning and Kansas winning the NCAA Championship. I remember wanting to be like Danny Manning. He was a stud during that tournament. I was indifferent about the game last night, but as a kid with my first name, the Jayhawks was the coolest nickname I had ever heard when I was six.

2. All the President's Men is getting good. It is starting to mess with my sleep pattern as I race to finish it. I am beginning to understand why Nixon was so hated. I also do not understand why Bob Dole ever had any political success after 1973. There is no integrity in politics or reporting. It reminds me a whole lot of academia.

Thoughts While Working On My Resume

I couldn't write this post without being overly pessimistic or optimistic, so I will copy something from Mary Chapin Carpenter's "Almost Home":

"I saw my life this morning
Lyin' at the bottom of a drawer
All this stuff I'm savin'
God knows what this junk is for
And whatever I believed in
This is all I have to show
What the hell were all the reasons
For holding on for such dear life
Here's where I let go"

That is just the right mix of optimism and pessimism.

I also like her "Stones in the Road."

Einstein Quote Of The Day

"The health of society thus depends quite as much on the independence of the individuals composing it as on their close political cohesion. "

I Almost Had A Sunday Night Freakout

But then I ate some dark chocolate.

Move forward. Move forward. Move forward.

And for the record, I am a bitter person. I do not like seeing other people happy. Sometimes I say I do not like seeing people delude themselves. But it really comes down to not wanting them to be happy.

I have become so self-loathsome that I cannot stand seeing other people happy.

In many respects this has been a good week for me, but this realization has kind of slapped me in the face.

Move forward. Move forward. Move forward.

Something To Say Or Nothing To Say But I Write Anyway

The other morning I set three alarm clocks. I usually do not set any. But the other morning was important. I spaced the alarm times just to make sure I did not hit snooze and forget.

My atomic alarm clock reset itself to pacific time in the middle of night. (I might have hit an incorrect button, but it is atomic time, it should know what time zone without me programming it.) This was my first alarm.

My phone had no signal, so it couldn't connect to the network or register a time. This was my second alarm.

Now my 20 year old AM clock radio saved the day.

I am certainly not some nut who says we depend too much on technology, but the whole thing made me wonder.

Paul Simon says it well.

Just Seems Appropriate

Pride (In The Name Of Love)
One man come in the name of love
One man come and go
One come he to justify
One man to overthrow

In the name of love
What more in the name of love
In the name of love
What more in the name of love

One man caught on a barbed wire fence
One man he resist
One man washed on an empty beach.
One man betrayed with a kiss

In the name of love
What more in the name of love
In the name of love
What more in the name of love

(nobody like you...)

Early morning, April 4
Shot rings out in the Memphis sky
Free at last, they took your life
They could not take your pride

In the name of love
What more in the name of love
In the name of love
What more in the name of love
In the name of love
What more in the name of love...


M.L.K.
Sleep
Sleep tonight
And may your dreams
Be realized
If the thunder cloud
Passes rain
So let it rain
Rain down him
So let it be
So let it be

Sleep
Sleep tonight
And may your dreams
Be realized
If the thundercloud
Passes rain
So let it rain
Let it rain
Rain on him


From this site.

"You Don't Need Those Last Few Lessons"* Or Thoughts As The Weekend Approaches

1. Acid reflux cannot be a new disease. People must have dealt with it in the past. They must have found ways to live with it. I think my Grandfather had it, and he lived to be 85. Yes, I have stopped taking Prilosec, and I feel fine.

2. I want to wake up in the middle of night worried about making Friday's payroll. They say Bill Gates still does this. I want responsibility. I want to care. I want to create wealth. I want to create a happy family. These are the things that make getting up in the morning worth it.

3. Economists see individuals and incentives. Health-care providers see sick people. The reconciliation of these two views will not occur over-night. It might never occur. But good economists see sick people, and good health-care providers see individuals and incentives.

4. Voluntary forbearance and appreciating voluntary forbearance separates adults from children.

5. Sometimes I don't know if I am starting or finishing. But I do know it doesn't matter either way.

6. When the Yankees came to Virginia Tech they rationed tickets off by a lottery. Students who were not even here last year got to go to the game. The lottery as a rationing device is foolish. But I do not have the energy or time to rant against it.


*Jackson Browne

I Wanted To Rant About Mike Hampton

But instead I took a deep breath, reminded myself that it is a long season, and remembered my expectations were only 80 wins.

Move forward. Move forward. Move forward.

Jason Whitlock

This article is the funniest good piece of advice I have ever seen.

"I Lost Track Of The Score Long Ago"*

The other night I was playing basketball with a couple of friends and a couple of twelve year olds. We were playing on a gravel court with a cheap rubber basketball. The twelve year olds had home-court advantage. I was playing in boots that blistered my feet and restricting jeans. My friends had a couple of beers in them. It kept getting darker and darker. As the game continued it kept getting more intense. We were shoving each other for rebounds. We were scrapping for loose balls. The older guys were feeding off the fearlessness of the twelve year olds.

But we lost track of the score. The game became about scoring the next point. It was like playing "next point wins" for a hundred consecutive points. It was wonderful.

It was the greatest thing I have been a part of in a long time.

*Jackson Browne

0 and 2 With Losses To The Nationals And Pirates

Hell of a way to start the season. Same old problems different year.

Barbecue Sauce

I bought two containers of barbecue sauce a few years ago. It is now out of date by 6 months to a year.

Do I throw it out? Do I use it? It is brown sugar based, so it isn't that good for me. Do I try to give it to someone? Am I being cheap?

This a great time to employ what I have learned and just do something.

I wore a shirt today with cufflinks. What does this say about me? Better yet do I care?

If you spend your life worrying about the signals you send out, then you are going to spend you life instead of living it.

Organization

My advisor says the secret to finding a job is organization. In response I have read a lot about organization.

I confess I am unorganized. Jeff looked at my computer desktop and told me the clutter said a whole lot about my organizational skills. I had no idea what he meant. But after reading about organization, I reduced my desktop down to five folders and action items. The action items are just PDFs or Word files that I want to read or work on. Once I am done with these they go into a folder or get deleted. I also limit my Email inbox. I reply, delete, or mark it an action item. I do my best to limit the action items. These steps do help. I am not organized yet, but I am improving.

I participated in a soccer game yesterday. There were Eastern Europeans, North Americans, Indians, Asians, Latinos, and Middle Easterners. Everyone played the game a different way. Everyone saw a different organization to the game. For one team it turned into a clusterfuck. For our team, the Eastern Europeans took over, played with the Americans, and easily won the game.

There were also two two-year old boys. One was Asian and the other Eastern European. The boys also had different behavioral traits. One was rather adventurous and quick. He crawled up the playground stairs faster than I could walk up them. The other was more deliberate and curious. He used the handrail and went up as fast as his short legs would allow. When he saw the other boy crawling, he modified his style, but he was still much more deliberate. The adventurous boy played with my door handle for twenty seconds then went onto something else. The curious boy played with it until he figured out how to make something happen.

These anecdotes really have no point except to show that organization, a way to get things done, is subjective. My mother and father can attest to this by the number of times they have fought over kitchen organization. It is amazing that it has not caused a divorce.

There is more than one way to skin a cat. And the only way to get better is to keep skinning cats.

All I Could Think About As I Was Driving On A Secluded Road

From Woody Allen's Annie Hall:

Duane: Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist,I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline.

Things I Have Learned

1. Make no assumptions about people. All people are crazy. Observe them. Study them. But make no assumptions about them. This is why modern economics fails.

2. When something hits close to home, I pay attention. I will always be a Crozet boy.

3. Preparing for rain does not guarantee rain. In fact not preparing for rain leads probably increases the chance of rain.

4. Sitting around thinking about something is not the same as doing something. There are times for both. But I would rather error on the side of doing something.

Unfortunately I Cannot Kick Myself In The Ass

So I self-experiment:

1. I do twenty push-ups every time I walk into group (social) office with the refrigerator. This has worked well. I do the push-ups and visit the office less.

2. I schedule my day. This has been a disaster. Shit happens. It is hard to schedule the shit.

3. I just give a task an allotment of time. I have to do this task for two hours a day. I then keep track of the time I spend on the task. The problem here is not only shit happens but also I have to really limit my tasks. I have not been successful when I allot more than two hours to any given task. I have not been able to accomplish more than two tasks.

4. I drink a lot of caffeine. This has not been kind to my acid reflux. Caffeine especially from Diet Mountain Dew tends to give me a headache. Sometimes it helps me focus, but most of the time I get antsy and distracted. I also piss twice every hour.

I need to call my Dad. He used to be able to motivate me. But last night he started our conversation by telling me he "wasn't worth a shit." So I am afraid we will just bring each other down.

I guess it is like Nike says "Just Do It." Quit complaining and just do it. Stop worrying and start working. "Some of this bullshit is kind of cool." As Jeff says, "Why not?" As my old coach said, "Make excuses to lift weights not to skip weightlifting." "Never back up when you can go forward." Everything will be okay.

Really I am just in a morning funk, and I have been doing better lately. I will get out of this funk and move forward. As ML constantly reminds me, I will, and this is life's beauty.

The best thing I can do is to start recognizing that morning funks are just morning funks if you limit them to the morning.

Always move forward.

"I Used To Think Cowboy Music Was The Only Thing There Was Then I Heard Thelonious Monk"*

1. I used to think that buying a Japanese car was unpatriotic and Japanese cars were destroying America, but then I read Russell Roberts' The Choice.

2. I used to think I was lazy, but I now know my laziness is heavily correlated with my mental health.

3. I used to think my mental health did not matter, but now I know it does.

4. I used to think I worked hard, but now I know other people work harder and smarter.

5. I used to think I could live life alone, but now I know other people matter.

6. I used to think this post was going somewhere, but now I know it is not. I just wanted to write the title quote and call it the best definition of Knightian uncertainty I have ever seen.

*Carmen McRae singing "The Ballad of Thelonious Monk" I cannot find the lyrics, but I suggest you find the song and listen to it about a thousand times.

The Car Problem

I have a 1994 Chevrolet S-10 Blazer. It has a Vortec 4.3 Liter engine. It has a 145,000 miles on it. The transmission leaks some, but after using some stopleak, the leak has subsided. I am still worried about the transmission. It does not burn oil and runs well. Some interior features are broken, but overall, it is tolerable. It has had a good amount of work ($2500) done to it in the last couple of years. I am getting around 17-20 miles a gallon. Currently it needs rear brakes and an emergency brake. In a few months, it will need new tires. The four wheel drive also does not work.

I think I should run it into the ground while keeping my eye out for something in case I have to make a quick decision. I see this as maximizing my cash flow by preventing a $200 a month car payment and keeping my insurance low. Even if I spend a $1000 a year in repairs, it is cheaper than a car payment.

The old man says I should get a new car sooner rather than later. He does not believe me that the four wheel drive does not work and thinks I can get money in a trade-in. He told me this after driving and riding in it.

The short term question is: Do I get the brakes fixed?

The intermediate questions are: Do I put on new tires? and How good of tires do I buy?

The overall questions are: Do I stick to my "run it into the ground" strategy? or Do I suck it up and get a new car?

The Difference

Money Versus Meaningfulness Or Take The Money And Run Or Help Me With My Resume

I want to travel. I want to be a Redskins season ticket holder. I want a nice car. I want a widescreen television. I want a whole lot of things. These things take money, not a little, but a lot of money.

I also want happiness or professional satisfaction or some bullshit that makes me feel good and makes me less depressed. Maybe it is meaningfulness. Meaningfulness is not the word. I really want some way to determine that I am successful. I want some measure like sports. I want runs or points. Something to tell me that I am winning. I assure you "papers published" cannot be this measure for me.

Many people, especially when they are young and dumb, will not allow money or the amount of things they have be this measure. They want something "more." It is politically incorrect to make money the center one's life. It just isn't "right."

I come from a background that knows that at the end of the day money means a hell of a lot. I do not think my father or grandfather maximized money. They maximized the amount of wants they could get (while learning how to minimize and carefully decide on their wants). But wants take money, not a little, but a lot of money. And I have a whole lot more and expensive wants than they did. Thankfully for me, the thing my forefathers most wanted is for their sons to succeed.

Jeff sent me an Email a couple of weeks ago and explained this to me. The questions Jeff asks are "What do you want and why do you want it?" These are always tough questions, but they are always important questions. A man who does not know what he wants is like those young and dumb kids who do not "believe" in money or things. He is just a "rolling stone" or a "rambling man."


Then a guy working in Washington asked me to send him my resume. This made me realize that it was time to start deciding what I want. More importantly, it was time to start getting the things I want. The things I want take money, not a little, but a lot of money.

So I started to work on my resume, and I realized I do not have much. So any suggestions on how to market the things I do have would be appreciated.

Jimi Hendrix Singing "Lord, I Hear My Train A Comin'" Or What I Am Reading

I am still reading How to Read the Bible. I enjoy it. It summarizes true Bible scholarship. It asks difficult questions. It makes me think.

I am also still reading Understanding Econometrics. I haven't got too far. That says something about how much I care about econometrics.

1. My opinion has not changed about Woodward and Bernstein's All the President's Men. It is good but not great. As an American I feel obligated to read it.

2. I am most of the way through with Robert Boice's Professors as Writers: A Self-Help Guide to Productive Writing. It has been the most practical guide to writing that I have found. All writing books have the same premise: suck it up, forget the bullshit, and write. He does a good job of saying this and also giving specific example of how to suck it up and forget the bullshit.

3. I have started Katherine E. Browne's Creole Economics. She is an anthropologist studying the informal economy of Martinique. I am not an anthropologist, but I appreciate her work. I am trying to research the role of the Trickster mythological character in economics. (I cannot believe I just wrote that sentence.) I have no theses or coherent thoughts on the subject yet, but I think the way the way a society views the Trickster myth compares to the way a society views the entrepreneur. (I really cannot believe I wrote that sentence.)

4. I am getting ready to start Daniel Botkin's Discordant Harmonies. I cannot wait.

What Does A Recession Mean?

I know the principles of macroeconomics definition of two consecutive quarters of GDP decline. I know about the wealth effect. I know that stocks are down and oil is up. I know the Fed is printing money. I know mistakes are being covered up by this printing of money. I know some peoples' job security is questionable.

But what does a recession really mean for me? What does it mean for you?

Now That I Am Done With Politics: The Roommate Story

I admit this is my fault. I repeat the following is my fault. I do not want to be accused of self-pity.

My old roommate moves out in December 2006. I have nobody to move in, so GGM gives me this guy's name who was looking at his place. He is a graduate student who thought he was going to be done in December 2006, but his advisor pushed it back to May. I am a graduate student. Graduate students cannot be that bad. To seal the deal, I agree to share a storage unit. He leaves for Winter Break after he has almost completely filled up the storage unit. From the storage unit, I can tell the guy has money, a big TV, computer boxes galore, Preakness glasses, etc. I am not worried.

Well I do not hear from him all Christmas break. About the third week of January, I walk in and he is there. He says he left his charger in storage, so he couldn't call. Some of my old roommate's stuff is still in the room, because I did not know when he was moving in and hadn't moved it to storage. That all works out.

Well he does not pay me for four months. Finally I ask him for the rent. (I admit this is my fault.) He said he had to transfer some money. In a couple of weeks, I have a check for five months rent. We agree to do better next time, but I am happy that I got something. He does not finish in May.

Well we get to October, and neither of has done better. I confront him again. He says he has to transfer money. We get to November, he says it should be in a few days. The week before Thanksgiving he is packing a suitcase. I confront him again, and we agree that he'll pay when he gets back from break. I keep thinking that this guy has thousands of dollars worth of stuff in his room and storage unit; he will pay me. He might not have money, but his parents or someone in his family does.

November, December, and January come and go. I Email him. I call him. I call his department. I write a letter to his Aunt who had sent him a package. No luck. I go to the lawyer, and he tells me how to evict him. His "Aunt" who is not his real aunt cannot find him either. My wonderful girlfriend then gets his parent's number and finds out he is living in his parents' basement. I call them. I speak to the guy. He says he is coming back and will pay me right once he gets here.

Ten minutes later his mom calls me and tells me she is going to pay all his back rent. A week later, he is back. His rent is paid through March, and I am happy that I got something.

It will happen again, but at least I have his parent's number now.

The Silent Majority And Politics

I am reading Woodward and Bernstein's All the President's Men. It is okay. I know the story, and I keep seeing Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman. It just does not compare to Jurassic Park. Truth might be stranger than fiction, but it is not necessarily more entertaining.

I had a professor in college point to the fact that Nixon won the 1972 election in a landslide. He proposed that for most of the Vietnam War, the silent majority of Americans supported the war, the silent majority of Americans were conservatives, and the silent majority of Americans appropriately went on with their life pretty oblivious to politics. They knew politics was corrupt but made the conscious decision to get up in the morning and go to work. Eventually Nixon screwed himself and there was a tipping point about him personally, but the silent majority rarely changes.

Similarities between today and then certainly exist. But this silent majority premise still works.

The problem with politics is that the silent majority does not determine candidates. The people who have the time to be politicians, campaign for politicians, lobby politicians, those zealots who do not get up in the morning and go to work decide candidates. This is why in the next election our choices will be between a douche bag and a shit sandwich.

This is not a personal attack on any of the candidates. To be a politician one has to compromise, one has to do things he would rather not. For that matter, to be a good manager or a good graduate student, one has to have aspects of a douche and a shit sandwich. I am not wise enough to know how to escape this situation. When I am, I will surely write about it. But douche bags and shit sandwiches do not represent the silent majority.

The silent majority really does not care about steroids in baseball. The silent majority does not care about who the New England Patriots taped. The silent majority does not think that prostitution should be illegal, but they think that a self-righteous married John deserves all the hell he catches. The silent majority gets up in the morning and goes to work. The silent majority does not care about public opinion or politics. Maybe I should replace the silent majority with I. (I am working on the "goes to work" thing.)

I do know this: the silent majority does not care about this blog.

Some Things To Remember

1. Always fully read an Email before responding. The failure to do so will lead to you making an ass of yourself.

2. Be careful who you send an Email to. The failure to do so will lead to you making an ass of yourself.

3. Never forget Jurassic Park, Ian Malcolm and chaos theory. It has many similarities to Austrian economics with the point being that you cannot control nature. Human ingenuity is great, but life is still about survival.

4. Never forget the Drunk Scotsman. Think about the fun he missed out on while he was passed-out drunk.

What I Wanted To Do

I went to an office mate who has been getting on my nerves and told him:

"Let's go outside in the courtyard and fight. It is muddy and will soften our falls. If you don't want to get your clothes dirty, we can fight on the sidewalk. It will do us both good. You wanted to fight Friday night. Why not now? Come on, it'll do us both good to get our asses kicked."

He refused. I want to say he was lucky or smart, but I still think it would have done both of us good. As my Dad used to say, "Some people won't be satisfied until they get the shit kicked of them." I know the office mate is like that.

And I might be too.

Morning Free Write

I cannot stand to wait. My Internet Service Provider sucks. My computer locks up when it comes out of sleep mode. My music player uses more CPU than it is worth. They are cutting off my electricity from 9:00AM to 5:00PM. At least they had the decency to tell me yesterday.

Sunday, I fixed meals for most of the week. I am very tired of what I prepared, but I will keep eating it. Part of portion control and being cheap is predetermining portions and eating foods without much taste. Beef still gives me the most enjoyment and is the easiest to prepare.

I have to wait to eat breakfast because of my acid reflux medicine. I cannot stand to wait. My grandfather used to say he did enough waiting in the army so he wouldn't have to wait when he got back. He never used the Internet or a computer.

It is like that Dyson guy says in his vacuum commercial "I just want things to work." Is this so much to ask?

"Oh, The Hours I've Spent Inside The Coliseum Dodging Lions And Wastin' Time"

Some days you just do what you can. And you have to be happy with that remembering if everything goes right, you will get a chance to redeem yourself tomorrow.


*From Bob Dylan's When I Paint My Masterpiece as performed by The Band

The Subjective Theory Of Value

I do what I think is right. I am almost willing to say I always do what I think is right. Sometimes I change my mind. But at the time I thought it was right.

Unfortunately what I think is right does not always conform to what other people think is right.

This lack of conformity has plagued mankind. It has lead to every conflict between men. It is the cause of my and mankind's anger.

As I was sitting on the shitter suffering from the coffee shits, I realized how unsatisfactory this outcome is. I thought there has to be something I can do about it.

But after I wiped my ass, I decided that the best thing I can do is to continue to do what I think is right and let others do the same.

Being Early Means You Have Too Much Time

I read somewhere that if you have never been late for an airplane then you spend too much time in airports. (This is from some link off of MarginalRevolution, probably talking about productivity porn.)

This is true.

So I have stopped my obsession about being on-time or early. It really wasn't an obsession, because I am late a whole lot. But I am minimizing waiting times.

I have already discovered I can get to the bus stop in seven minutes (five minutes if I run) instead of the fifteen I usually give myself.

Why Not Today?

Two football stories:

The year before I broke my leg this guy dislocated and tore up his knee. It was the ugliest injury I have ever seen. So after I broke my leg, I am on crutches waiting for the "helper" to pick me up and drive me to my next location on campus, and I see this guy. I ask "How did you do it?"

He replied: "You can't depend on that guy; you gotta learn how to hump it across campus. You just gotta do it, man." He was in the National Guard hence the "hump" terminology. It was the best advice I have ever received.


Speaking of luck and talent, my freshman year, there was this fellow freshman running back. We had some good running backs, and he was third or fourth team. He got in during some blowouts and scored a touchdown in every game he played in his freshman year. He was not a great practice player. He did not like to run hard during practice, so he got in the coaches' doghouse and sat on the bench his whole sophomore year. By the middle of his junior year he was playing safety. I always called him "The greatest running back to never a touch a ball when it mattered." He was a hell of a player. He found ways to get yards and score, but he never got out of the coaches' doghouse. It really was a coach's doghouse.

The whole thing makes me wonder.

I Wanted To Say Something About The NBA

This is what I wrote yesterday:

The NBA is very interesting this year. I still see the Spurs or Pistons winning it all, and I see this as a good thing especially if the Pistons win it. But I almost care about the NBA right now. I haven't cared about the NBA in a long time.


This is what I am writing today:

I have no idea about the NBA. I will follow the rest of the season and hope that the Pistons win the championship.

"Keep Your Heart Open, And Your Eyes Shut Tight. What Will Be. Will Be."*

1. Republicans believe success results from effort. Democrats believe success results from luck. They are both wrong.

2. Do not underestimate the power of luck.

3. Do not underestimate the power of effort.

4. My left contact has bothered me all day. I have used three different ones today. None of them have felt right. Maybe it isn't the contact. Maybe it is a bad batch. Maybe I should just suck it up.

5. I might be a self-pity addict.

6. But I might not be.

7. The Alarm puts it best "This is absolute reality." This is all we got. We had better do the best we can.

*Fleetwood Mac

Further Thoughts On Most People Do The Best They Can

Russ Roberts and Paul Romer discuss similar ideas here.

I am an average (maybe below average) researcher, graduate student, whatever I am. Probability wise, this is all I should expect. This is okay.

I have delusions that I can be better than average. I have delusions that I could be better than average in other occupations like coaching and managing grocery stores. But these are delusions. I should expect and be thankful for being average.

Accepting that one is likely to be average is an important step into becoming better than average. It allows one to forget about other people's definitions of success. It allows one to forget about being better than average.

It allows one to concentrate on being himself.

A Story I Should Not Tell

Sometimes a football player, especially if he is not playing, has to piss before halftime or late in the fourth quarter. The pain hits him, but he cannot do anything about it. The game drags on, and the pain gets worse. Well if it is raining and/or cold, he just lets it go. The warmth feels good, and the mud or rain prevents anything from showing. But on those nice days, he is screwed.

A guy once told me that the secret was to let a little of it go, and this relieved the pressure and pain until halftime or the end of the game.

I was driving yesterday. I was drinking Diet Mountain Dew, and the pain hit me. There was no place to stop, and I was almost home. But it kept getting worse. The pain was unbearable, so I took the guy's advice and let a little go. It worked perfectly, and I felt much better.

This is another one of those things that I am not particularly proud of, but I am also glad I did. I feel the same way about football. These types of things make life interesting and bearable.

Taking A Day Off

I could do this, but do I want to?

I try to maximize the time I could work. I certainly do not always work during that time, but the time that I could be working is the important thing.

This is a stupid objective that must change if I want to grow.