Another Dopeless Hope Fiend

I read this statement in a bathroom stall on the second floor of the Alexander Mack library at Bridgewater College.

I try not to pay attention to compliments. I have too many flaws to worry about compliments.

A colleague told me that I overemphasize everyday occurrences. He meant it as a backhanded slap, and it irked me at first. But when you think about it, there is so much stupid shit that occurs daily, it needs to be overemphasized. Many do not see the imperfections around them. If I do, then that makes me special.

At Bridgewater two honors students told me that I got more out of reading and learning than the vast majority. They were both intelligent, and I valued their opinion. Many people learn and read superficially (like I did with my classes this semester). People do not understand why I write in the books that I read. To me, reading is a conversation between myself and the author. My notes are my side of the conversation. (They said this because a guy in my group was supposed to read a company's annual report. He did not show up to class, and I had to fill in for him. I was able to question the financial health of the company and answer the professor's questions after reading the report for five minutes. I was also able to take ideas we learned in economics classes and apply them. Very few could do that, especially since there were only four economics majors at Bridgewater.)

ML said I was too intense. I have been around enough good athletes to know what intensity really is. Intensity is underrated. Successful people have to be intense. It is a quality I value.

But, really, I am just another dopeless hope fiend.