When I threw shotput, I would work myself into a fury. I would find a competitor whose existence infuriated me. Anger got the hormones flowing. Anger stimulated me. Anger aided my performance.
I will still get mad in the weight room to push myself. Today was one of those days. I needed a stimulant to get me through three sets of five of 265. I needed something to compensate for my four hours of sleep. I did all three sets. I can still max at least 300.
The thing about this technique is that I have to come down. At track meets it only took finishing and looking at beautiful women run around the track. In the weight room it only takes finishing the bench press. I cannot get motivated for any other lift.
Today after finishing the bench, I realized the futility of my existence. I was so happy about that bench workout. What for? I commented on ML's blog about how people matter not worldly things. People are the only source of long-term happiness. You have to love yourself. You have to be happy in your own world, but people are more important than bench presses.
I looked around and saw a bunch of pretty boys and pretty girls trying to look better for each other. (I have always wanted to make a documentary on women going to the gym. There are so many stories there. It could say something about society. This project is right behind my book about my graduate school experience.) To many people lifting is a social event. I have never liked that attitude. Lifting has always been a spiritual experience for me.
Deep down, most people in the weight room are looking for a release. Something to break up their boring day. They are just looking for a better way. Who can blame them?
The quality of my posts are going to hell.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Monday, January 30, 2006
Is It Later Than I Think?
I am finishing (copying) an assignment that has no meaning, no value. It is PhD busy work. Maybe I am just not putting in the effort. "Did she get tired or did she just get lazy"--The Eagles
I went to my first Condo Association meeting. Some people crave power. It is sad. Very few are willing to admit to the insignificance of associations and such. People desire external gratification.
It is one of those nights when it would be wonderful to have someone to go home to. Someone who you would try to not disturb while hoping they wanted to be disturbed. Someone whose smile made you forget about meaningless assignments. Someone who was going to be there when you got out of bed.
Wow, that rambling was sappy. But it begs, is it later than I think?
I went to my first Condo Association meeting. Some people crave power. It is sad. Very few are willing to admit to the insignificance of associations and such. People desire external gratification.
It is one of those nights when it would be wonderful to have someone to go home to. Someone who you would try to not disturb while hoping they wanted to be disturbed. Someone whose smile made you forget about meaningless assignments. Someone who was going to be there when you got out of bed.
Wow, that rambling was sappy. But it begs, is it later than I think?
Sunday, January 29, 2006
No Matter If I Pass, Time Will Pass
A guy told me this yesterday.
Life will continue. My frustration will end. Nobody cares. All I can do is keep living and when the time comes make the best decision I can.
"Time is a train. Makes the future the past. Leaves you standing, your face pressed against the glass." U2
I just saw Lena Horne on Sanford and Son. It was one of the funniest episodes I have ever seen.
I love women. They are the most interesting thing on Earth.
No, that is not true. The combination of what they do to men with their superior beauty is what is so interesting.
Interesting things should be studied. But how can an inferior creature study a superior one?
Life will continue. My frustration will end. Nobody cares. All I can do is keep living and when the time comes make the best decision I can.
"Time is a train. Makes the future the past. Leaves you standing, your face pressed against the glass." U2
I just saw Lena Horne on Sanford and Son. It was one of the funniest episodes I have ever seen.
I love women. They are the most interesting thing on Earth.
No, that is not true. The combination of what they do to men with their superior beauty is what is so interesting.
Interesting things should be studied. But how can an inferior creature study a superior one?
Green Fees
Apparently the Virginia Tech student body supports a 'green fee' to keep the campus environmentally sound.
I do not support a green fee. An editorialist did not support it. But the student body supports it. Both the Graduate Student Assembly and the Undergraduate Student Government put their stamp of approval on it in the students' name.
All student fees are coercion. They are extortion. I am willing to give money to keep this campus looking nice, but I should not be forced to give it to the administration. An administration that will spend at least 25% in overhead expenses.
Economists greatest failure is that the students who proposed the green fee did not start an organization to improve the campus without coercion and the administration. An organization responsible to its supporters, an organization that did not rely on extortion. We have not taught the ambitious students the economic way of thinking. We have taught them how to steal from the minority and put faith in bureaucracy.
But the student body supports the green fee.
Statistics lie. Averages and majorities say very little especially without the economic way of thinking.
I do not support a green fee. An editorialist did not support it. But the student body supports it. Both the Graduate Student Assembly and the Undergraduate Student Government put their stamp of approval on it in the students' name.
All student fees are coercion. They are extortion. I am willing to give money to keep this campus looking nice, but I should not be forced to give it to the administration. An administration that will spend at least 25% in overhead expenses.
Economists greatest failure is that the students who proposed the green fee did not start an organization to improve the campus without coercion and the administration. An organization responsible to its supporters, an organization that did not rely on extortion. We have not taught the ambitious students the economic way of thinking. We have taught them how to steal from the minority and put faith in bureaucracy.
But the student body supports the green fee.
Statistics lie. Averages and majorities say very little especially without the economic way of thinking.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
A Tribute To R.E.M.'s "Hope"
Here is the deal;
What I feel
The past cannot eat me alive
Memories are a curable disease
The Truth is most people I cannot please
I have chosen a path
Now I must deal with its wrath
"Hog-tied and accepting of the struggle"
Let them be;
But I will be free
Whatever the hell that means:
Search for Truth
Question my surroundings
Don't let convention make me afraid
When everyone asks why;
I tell them
When everyone tells me;
I ask why?
No, I was not born to fly
But Daddy forced me not to cry
In the end,
All I can do is try
What I feel
The past cannot eat me alive
Memories are a curable disease
The Truth is most people I cannot please
I have chosen a path
Now I must deal with its wrath
"Hog-tied and accepting of the struggle"
Let them be;
But I will be free
Whatever the hell that means:
Search for Truth
Question my surroundings
Don't let convention make me afraid
When everyone asks why;
I tell them
When everyone tells me;
I ask why?
No, I was not born to fly
But Daddy forced me not to cry
In the end,
All I can do is try
An Edited Email To A Colleague
I might have been around Spanos for too long, but I have very little faith in the empirical side of economics. Levitt's article has been criticized. I am not smart enough to tell who is right. But I think it is a trivial debate. Statistics is (educated) guessing. Economic issues like abortion are too complicated to be modeled and empirically tested (especially with data limitations).
The economic idea that abortion leads to less crime, ceteris paribus, is more important than the statistics. It makes sense. The economic way of thinking, the search for unintended consequences, the skepticism, the rebellion against the status quo is what is important. The statistics can neither prove or disprove today's abortion effects on tomorrow's crime. The economic logic is what matters.
I like what Levitt is doing. Tim Harford is doing similar things. We have to take economics to the marks (public). We have to write readable books. We have to introduce the public to the economic way of thinking. We have to study everyday issues and present our findings in an accessible way.
I am not a big fan of the apolitical economist. Of course, I think all economists should be libertarians. Abortion is a private choice. Government has no role in it. You can run as many statistical models as you want, but you're not going to change the fact that a woman who gets an abortion does not interfere with others rights. There is no public good argument. Costs are internalized. It is her decision not 500 white men in Washington. The majority's perceived moral superiority is not protected by the Constitution.
After meeting with the (professor) candidates the last few weeks, my impression is that economics is applied statistics. Economists are smart guys using complicated tools to make trivial conclusions. Very few are dealing with the fundamental economic problem of creating wealth (utility). They are not making the world a better place. Most economists are just keeping themselves fed. They are doing what others are doing. They are publishing meaningless papers in journals that no one reads.
I have no idea how the economic profession can be changed. I have no idea of what I am going to do. But the discussion of what economists should do must take place.
The economic idea that abortion leads to less crime, ceteris paribus, is more important than the statistics. It makes sense. The economic way of thinking, the search for unintended consequences, the skepticism, the rebellion against the status quo is what is important. The statistics can neither prove or disprove today's abortion effects on tomorrow's crime. The economic logic is what matters.
I like what Levitt is doing. Tim Harford is doing similar things. We have to take economics to the marks (public). We have to write readable books. We have to introduce the public to the economic way of thinking. We have to study everyday issues and present our findings in an accessible way.
I am not a big fan of the apolitical economist. Of course, I think all economists should be libertarians. Abortion is a private choice. Government has no role in it. You can run as many statistical models as you want, but you're not going to change the fact that a woman who gets an abortion does not interfere with others rights. There is no public good argument. Costs are internalized. It is her decision not 500 white men in Washington. The majority's perceived moral superiority is not protected by the Constitution.
After meeting with the (professor) candidates the last few weeks, my impression is that economics is applied statistics. Economists are smart guys using complicated tools to make trivial conclusions. Very few are dealing with the fundamental economic problem of creating wealth (utility). They are not making the world a better place. Most economists are just keeping themselves fed. They are doing what others are doing. They are publishing meaningless papers in journals that no one reads.
I have no idea how the economic profession can be changed. I have no idea of what I am going to do. But the discussion of what economists should do must take place.
Friday, January 27, 2006
"It Makes Me Want To Um..."
I been talking economic philosophy all day. I say it is not enough to draw a map. Everyone else says a map is all that we can do.
I enjoy talking economic philosophy. So many people put their faith in government. I guess it is bred into us. The best government can do is mirror what individuals do. The best it can do is mirror the market. Democracy has nothing to do with individual liberty. Government cannot interfere with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wanted so badly to make this a non-personal post, but it is not working.
"Why couldn't you be content
With the love I gave oh yeah
I gave you my heart
But you wanted my mind, oh yeah"
(the above and the title are from Joss Stone's version of "The Chokin' Kind")
This lyric scares the hell out of me.
I hope I would be content, but I certainly like the mind. I spend so much time arguing. Could this be me? (I know, love is mutual. I need to read my last post.)
I enjoy talking economic philosophy. So many people put their faith in government. I guess it is bred into us. The best government can do is mirror what individuals do. The best it can do is mirror the market. Democracy has nothing to do with individual liberty. Government cannot interfere with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wanted so badly to make this a non-personal post, but it is not working.
"Why couldn't you be content
With the love I gave oh yeah
I gave you my heart
But you wanted my mind, oh yeah"
(the above and the title are from Joss Stone's version of "The Chokin' Kind")
This lyric scares the hell out of me.
I hope I would be content, but I certainly like the mind. I spend so much time arguing. Could this be me? (I know, love is mutual. I need to read my last post.)
Suicide, Penguins, Bad Poets, Dreams, And Dreamers
Down the street I went
What for?
Who cares?
You can't worry about why
When you're getting ready to die
There are days when I wait for something
That isn't about to come
I need an absolute release
But,
What good is a dead man?
What good is a penguin in the Virginia summer?
What good is a bad poet?
What good is a dream that cannot come true?
What good is a dreamer of dreams that cannot come true?
What good is anything?
What for?
Who cares?
Down the street I go
What for?
Who cares?
You can't worry about why
When you're getting ready to die
There are days when I wait for something
That isn't about to come
I need an absolute release
But,
What good is a dead man?
What good is a penguin in the Virginia summer?
What good is a bad poet?
What good is a dream that cannot come true?
What good is a dreamer of dreams that cannot come true?
What good is anything?
What for?
Who cares?
Down the street I go
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Skin And Bones
All ought and proper
Better than everyone
Sometimes its true
But you fear the devil
And you like to revel
Well, here's the level
When its time for the bell
I'll be sure to see you in hell
Better than everyone
Sometimes its true
But you fear the devil
And you like to revel
Well, here's the level
When its time for the bell
I'll be sure to see you in hell
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
The Everlasting Struggle
I went to the door
Hoping someone was there
Hoping to find someone with a care
One who understood nothing is fair
I was looking for perfection
I will be looking for a long time
And, I accept the challenge
No one has ever found a stream that always flows elegantly
In drought,
It is cracked,
Struggling for existence
In flood,
It is unchecked,
Devastating its path
Somedays it is just right
I sit on the bridge those days
I wait for a lover
To sit next to me
I wait for her
To finally set me free
But she's not at the door this time
Maybe she will never be
But I will keep answering
Hoping someone was there
Hoping to find someone with a care
One who understood nothing is fair
I was looking for perfection
I will be looking for a long time
And, I accept the challenge
No one has ever found a stream that always flows elegantly
In drought,
It is cracked,
Struggling for existence
In flood,
It is unchecked,
Devastating its path
Somedays it is just right
I sit on the bridge those days
I wait for a lover
To sit next to me
I wait for her
To finally set me free
But she's not at the door this time
Maybe she will never be
But I will keep answering
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Credible Charities
ML told me about a local charity helping a village in the Dominican Republic called Esperanza. I was impressed.
But the economist came out in me and I replied to ML with the question, "how do we decide?" I meant to question the whole nature of charity. There are millions of cases worthy of charity, but I (we) cannot help everyone.
More importantly, how do (I) we decide what to do with these charitable cases? Something is (usually) better than nothing, but some methods are better than others. These are the most traditional and intelligent economic questions that I have come up with in a year. It almost looks like I think there is an optimal answer that I can empirically determine.
But the questions irked ML. She called me jaded. I think the question "does a rich white kid in the Dominican Republic 'sacrificing' send the right message to Dominican children?" made her angry.
What I was trying to say is that I doubt if the white kid's self-made father spent time in developing countries. Some white kids think they are doing penance for the evils of capitalism, and I do not think this attitude is appropriate to truly help the poor. Of course there are others who are more confident in the philosophical foundations of capitalism. I am not saying either of these volunteers are bad people, but there will be some adverse selection. Development takes ideological change. Some people do not have the right ideologies to help make this change.
Someone must ask these questions. The lawyer handing out food in Africa is sacrificing income that he could give to charity. Myself going to college is sacrificing going to Africa. The opportunity costs of charity must be considered. (ML was offended at the term sacrificing. I should have used opportunity costs.)
(A sidenote to ML: The indifference bothers me the most.)
But the economist came out in me and I replied to ML with the question, "how do we decide?" I meant to question the whole nature of charity. There are millions of cases worthy of charity, but I (we) cannot help everyone.
More importantly, how do (I) we decide what to do with these charitable cases? Something is (usually) better than nothing, but some methods are better than others. These are the most traditional and intelligent economic questions that I have come up with in a year. It almost looks like I think there is an optimal answer that I can empirically determine.
But the questions irked ML. She called me jaded. I think the question "does a rich white kid in the Dominican Republic 'sacrificing' send the right message to Dominican children?" made her angry.
What I was trying to say is that I doubt if the white kid's self-made father spent time in developing countries. Some white kids think they are doing penance for the evils of capitalism, and I do not think this attitude is appropriate to truly help the poor. Of course there are others who are more confident in the philosophical foundations of capitalism. I am not saying either of these volunteers are bad people, but there will be some adverse selection. Development takes ideological change. Some people do not have the right ideologies to help make this change.
Someone must ask these questions. The lawyer handing out food in Africa is sacrificing income that he could give to charity. Myself going to college is sacrificing going to Africa. The opportunity costs of charity must be considered. (ML was offended at the term sacrificing. I should have used opportunity costs.)
(A sidenote to ML: The indifference bothers me the most.)
Monday, January 23, 2006
He Knew Not What He Wanted Or Self Pity
The room was quiet
Maybe he was not listening
He thought about doubt
How it was always there
He did not know what he wanted
He thought about beauty
How it was always there
He did not know what he wanted
He remembered the days of old
He longed for strength to be bold
He wanted to cry
He wanted to die
He thought about the cold
How it was always there
He did not know what he wanted
The noise was coming quick
He felt hunted
The noise kept coming
Closer and closer
It did not care what he wanted
Maybe he was not listening
He thought about doubt
How it was always there
He did not know what he wanted
He thought about beauty
How it was always there
He did not know what he wanted
He remembered the days of old
He longed for strength to be bold
He wanted to cry
He wanted to die
He thought about the cold
How it was always there
He did not know what he wanted
The noise was coming quick
He felt hunted
The noise kept coming
Closer and closer
It did not care what he wanted
Miracles Or "Go On Downtown Baby, Find Somebody To Love"
My last post hinted at my current crisis of faith.
My faith has always been in myself.
I control my own destiny. I make decisions and face the repercussions. I get out of bed in the morning. I go to sleep at night. Rand helped me to explicitly recognize this faith, but it has always been there.
My faith requires me to pursue the Truth. Truth is God to me. God cannot be human. He cannot be known by man, but man must search for Truth (Him).
There is Truth in the Ten Commandments, and the teachings of Jesus, Muhammad, Martin Luther King, F.A. Hayek, Bastiat, Rand, Jobless, ML etc. etc. But, I have to find that Truth. I am responsible for finding Truth. I am responsible for distinguishing between Truth (God) and Lies (Devil).
I do not believe in miracles. Miracles are lies used to convince the marks. They avoid Truth. The marks want Truth, but the Liars (Devils) do not want them to have it. The Truth scares Liars (Devils).
But, look at the title to this post. Look at The Allman Brothers' recommendation to "go on downtown baby, find somebody to love" (from "Ain't Wastin' Time No More.) Is that Gregg Allman singing Truth (God's words)?
I guess that sums up my "crisis of faith."
Another line from the song: "Look inside yourself, and if you don't see what you want, maybe sometimes then you don't, But leave your mind alone and just get high."
My faith has always been in myself.
I control my own destiny. I make decisions and face the repercussions. I get out of bed in the morning. I go to sleep at night. Rand helped me to explicitly recognize this faith, but it has always been there.
My faith requires me to pursue the Truth. Truth is God to me. God cannot be human. He cannot be known by man, but man must search for Truth (Him).
There is Truth in the Ten Commandments, and the teachings of Jesus, Muhammad, Martin Luther King, F.A. Hayek, Bastiat, Rand, Jobless, ML etc. etc. But, I have to find that Truth. I am responsible for finding Truth. I am responsible for distinguishing between Truth (God) and Lies (Devil).
I do not believe in miracles. Miracles are lies used to convince the marks. They avoid Truth. The marks want Truth, but the Liars (Devils) do not want them to have it. The Truth scares Liars (Devils).
But, look at the title to this post. Look at The Allman Brothers' recommendation to "go on downtown baby, find somebody to love" (from "Ain't Wastin' Time No More.) Is that Gregg Allman singing Truth (God's words)?
I guess that sums up my "crisis of faith."
Another line from the song: "Look inside yourself, and if you don't see what you want, maybe sometimes then you don't, But leave your mind alone and just get high."
Sunday, January 22, 2006
I Was Going To Church This Morning
I put on my khakis and my black clown shoes. I got to the office early. I was ready to find religion.
I had enough time to do my morning Email and blog check, and I found this through MarginalRevolution. It is long but life-affirming. It should be read.
It took me so long that I missed the church's artificial schedule. The read was worth it. If everything works out, I will have plenty chances to go to church.
The author says what I have been feeling for the past few weeks. Everyone goes through these periods where they are forced to reevaluate themselves. Most of the time nothing changes. The reevaluation is inconclusive. "Yeah, I am not happy, but what is the alternative?"
I broke my leg on Saturday September 8th, 2001. I spent most of Saturday and Sunday in the hospital dealing with surgery. On Monday night, Denver Bronco's wide receiver Ed McCaffrey broke in his leg badly. I had slept all day and that play was the only time I was coherent. I never blamed football but I certainly questioned its merit.
Tuesday morning I was awake enough to see the towers crumble. Because of my situation, I did not have the knee-jerk reaction to want to get up and fight. I could be a victim. I layed in bed trying to recover. Recovering was the only thing I could do.
I missed a week of classes, but I still got a 4.0 that semester. I threw shotput in the Winter and Spring. I was proud, but I know it is another meaningless accomplishment. Aren't all past accomplishments meaningless?
I guess this is where I stand today. Everything that I have done, all my investments, all my commitments are spread across the table, and I do not see anything. I am not a "Smart Guy." I am not a "Creative Guy." I am not a "Business Guy." I am not a "Beer Guy." I am not a "Sex Guy." I am twenty four years old and like when I was thirteen, I do not fit in anywhere.
I like to read good writing. I like to watch or listen to good games. I like collecting useful knowledge, but the knowledge I am forced to collect is nonsense. I have a family who cares about me. My arms are shaping up some. My chest is massive but unattractive. My confidence comes and goes, but I think I am beginning to understand my emotional side. I have potential.
Our past accomplishments are meaningless, but so are our past failures. We have to live with our potential not our past.
I had enough time to do my morning Email and blog check, and I found this through MarginalRevolution. It is long but life-affirming. It should be read.
It took me so long that I missed the church's artificial schedule. The read was worth it. If everything works out, I will have plenty chances to go to church.
The author says what I have been feeling for the past few weeks. Everyone goes through these periods where they are forced to reevaluate themselves. Most of the time nothing changes. The reevaluation is inconclusive. "Yeah, I am not happy, but what is the alternative?"
I broke my leg on Saturday September 8th, 2001. I spent most of Saturday and Sunday in the hospital dealing with surgery. On Monday night, Denver Bronco's wide receiver Ed McCaffrey broke in his leg badly. I had slept all day and that play was the only time I was coherent. I never blamed football but I certainly questioned its merit.
Tuesday morning I was awake enough to see the towers crumble. Because of my situation, I did not have the knee-jerk reaction to want to get up and fight. I could be a victim. I layed in bed trying to recover. Recovering was the only thing I could do.
I missed a week of classes, but I still got a 4.0 that semester. I threw shotput in the Winter and Spring. I was proud, but I know it is another meaningless accomplishment. Aren't all past accomplishments meaningless?
I guess this is where I stand today. Everything that I have done, all my investments, all my commitments are spread across the table, and I do not see anything. I am not a "Smart Guy." I am not a "Creative Guy." I am not a "Business Guy." I am not a "Beer Guy." I am not a "Sex Guy." I am twenty four years old and like when I was thirteen, I do not fit in anywhere.
I like to read good writing. I like to watch or listen to good games. I like collecting useful knowledge, but the knowledge I am forced to collect is nonsense. I have a family who cares about me. My arms are shaping up some. My chest is massive but unattractive. My confidence comes and goes, but I think I am beginning to understand my emotional side. I have potential.
Our past accomplishments are meaningless, but so are our past failures. We have to live with our potential not our past.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Rebuttal
Wake up
Sleep is the enemy
It feels good
You need it to survive
But only when you are awake
Does the world turn
A comfortable bed
Makes a weak man
"Sleep comes like a drug in God's country"
From fatigue or boredom?
Either one
Does not suit me
Let me be free
If that is what love is
I will let you have it
While you sleep
I will live
Sleep is the enemy
It feels good
You need it to survive
But only when you are awake
Does the world turn
A comfortable bed
Makes a weak man
"Sleep comes like a drug in God's country"
From fatigue or boredom?
Either one
Does not suit me
Let me be free
If that is what love is
I will let you have it
While you sleep
I will live
For ST Coleridge And/Or Jobless, To DH, BF, AW, RF, EM, And That Blonde In The Gym
It felt like early morning
The sun had yet to rise
The world was at peace
It hits you without warning
Deep sleep
I never knew it
Until I found you
It hit me at first sight
I fought it
I failed
Deep sleep
My eyes had closed
Dreams showing in my head
Perfect nothingness
Deep sleep
All of my restless nights
All those wasted days
Erased by your healing smile
It might be clever guile
But I don't care
I am in a deep sleep
The sun had yet to rise
The world was at peace
It hits you without warning
Deep sleep
I never knew it
Until I found you
It hit me at first sight
I fought it
I failed
Deep sleep
My eyes had closed
Dreams showing in my head
Perfect nothingness
Deep sleep
All of my restless nights
All those wasted days
Erased by your healing smile
It might be clever guile
But I don't care
I am in a deep sleep
Daily Rituals Without Cosmetic Psychopharmacology
I went to bed last night;
Thinking about something better
Woke up this morning;
Something was not there
Went to work;
A new day
All I could say,
"There must be a better way."
About lunchtime;
I stared at the wall
I wanted someone to come down the hall
I wanted a phone call
A pretty voice telling me lies
About a quarter 'til closing time;
Looked at my screen
It was empty
Just like me
Thought about feedback
Wanting to be great
Trying not to hate
Walking home;
A feeling hit me
First emotion of the day
Beautiful women in the month of May
But it was March and windy
A bite in the air
Wished I had more hair
Wished I could care
Don't give a shit that the world is not fair
Got ready for bed;
Wondering if it could be different
It could be
I need a dream
A dream to go to sleep to
A vision
Click your heels
It is there
No one has to know
It might be wrong
Inconsequential
Like a tree falling in the woods
With no one to hear
There is nothing to fear
Went to sleep;
Thinking about something better
Secretly hoping to wake up
Thinking about something better
Woke up this morning;
Something was not there
Went to work;
A new day
All I could say,
"There must be a better way."
About lunchtime;
I stared at the wall
I wanted someone to come down the hall
I wanted a phone call
A pretty voice telling me lies
About a quarter 'til closing time;
Looked at my screen
It was empty
Just like me
Thought about feedback
Wanting to be great
Trying not to hate
Walking home;
A feeling hit me
First emotion of the day
Beautiful women in the month of May
But it was March and windy
A bite in the air
Wished I had more hair
Wished I could care
Don't give a shit that the world is not fair
Got ready for bed;
Wondering if it could be different
It could be
I need a dream
A dream to go to sleep to
A vision
Click your heels
It is there
No one has to know
It might be wrong
Inconsequential
Like a tree falling in the woods
With no one to hear
There is nothing to fear
Went to sleep;
Thinking about something better
Secretly hoping to wake up
Friday, January 20, 2006
Truth
He was sick. He had swallowed his unimportance and gagged.
There were no answers to his questions. There was nothing but slow death.
His eyes filled with tears that would not leave his eyes. They just gathered and impeded his vision.
In his blindness he imagined himself dancing. "Blue in Green" played. A woman danced with him. He could not see her, but he knew she was beautiful. He knew she was there.
His blinked to restore his vision. The restoration ended his imagination, but he knew she was there. He knew she was beautiful.
There were no answers to his questions. There was nothing but slow death.
His eyes filled with tears that would not leave his eyes. They just gathered and impeded his vision.
In his blindness he imagined himself dancing. "Blue in Green" played. A woman danced with him. He could not see her, but he knew she was beautiful. He knew she was there.
His blinked to restore his vision. The restoration ended his imagination, but he knew she was there. He knew she was beautiful.
"There Must Be A 1000 Things You Would Die For; I Can Hardly Think Of Two"
This line is from the Indigo Girls' "Mystery." It is a good song. Read the lyrics.
It is easy to live when you have things that you would die for. The motto I presented in my "What I learned at Bridgewater?" treatise was: Be Smart. Be Passionate. Be Responsible. Ex ante, it is hard to tell if you are being smart or not. Being smart is a discovery process. I am religious enough to believe that we are all responsible in the end (ex post). But the passion, the unrelenting desire to succeed and pursue is what separates individuals.
To be happy, you have to be passionate. There has to be a reason to get out of bed in the morning. There has to be something to get you through the transaction. (Economically what do we call the actual transaction? What is between ex ante and ex post?)
(My new economic goal is to show that there are no conflict of interests among men through economic experiments. I will show that "communication (a form of transaction) costs are all that stands between our present state and a perfect society.)
It is easy to live when you have things that you would die for. The motto I presented in my "What I learned at Bridgewater?" treatise was: Be Smart. Be Passionate. Be Responsible. Ex ante, it is hard to tell if you are being smart or not. Being smart is a discovery process. I am religious enough to believe that we are all responsible in the end (ex post). But the passion, the unrelenting desire to succeed and pursue is what separates individuals.
To be happy, you have to be passionate. There has to be a reason to get out of bed in the morning. There has to be something to get you through the transaction. (Economically what do we call the actual transaction? What is between ex ante and ex post?)
(My new economic goal is to show that there are no conflict of interests among men through economic experiments. I will show that "communication (a form of transaction) costs are all that stands between our present state and a perfect society.)
Thursday, January 19, 2006
"If You Die In Your Dreams Then You Die In Your Sleep"*
I told my Filipina colleague that having children was the most vain thing one could do.
She replied that I was trivializing the miracle of birth, that children were God's gift, that children replenished the Earth and parents' souls.
I could not argue with her.
My dream has always been to be great at something. I do not care what that something is. I just want to win.
Until I stop letting others define what winning is, I will never win. You have to look in the mirror and be happy with what you see. "It is a sad man my friend who is living in his own skin and can't stand the company."*
The thing about the great artists is that you know when they do something it is going be good. Woody Allen made some crappy movies, but they were not bad. They were worth watching. You know that you will not be disappointed when you buy a Springsteen or a U2 CD. You might have to warm up to it, but you will listen and like some of it before you throw it out.
*Bruce Springsteen
She replied that I was trivializing the miracle of birth, that children were God's gift, that children replenished the Earth and parents' souls.
I could not argue with her.
My dream has always been to be great at something. I do not care what that something is. I just want to win.
Until I stop letting others define what winning is, I will never win. You have to look in the mirror and be happy with what you see. "It is a sad man my friend who is living in his own skin and can't stand the company."*
The thing about the great artists is that you know when they do something it is going be good. Woody Allen made some crappy movies, but they were not bad. They were worth watching. You know that you will not be disappointed when you buy a Springsteen or a U2 CD. You might have to warm up to it, but you will listen and like some of it before you throw it out.
*Bruce Springsteen
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