Zhe Mad Dogs, Zhe Englishmen, And Joe Cocker

The poetry of Leon Russell sung by Joe Cocker:

Woman of the country now I've found you
Longing in your soft and fertile delta.
And I whisper sighs to satisfy your longing
for the warmth and tender shelter of my body.
Oh you're my, yes you're my Delta Lady
Yes, you're my, me oh my, Delta Lady.

Please don't ask how many times I found you
Standing wet and naked in the garden.
And I think of days and diff'rent ways I held you,
Held you closely to me, yes our heart was beating.
Oh you're my .....

Oh, and I'm over here in England;
But I think of you, think about you ....
Because I love you,

There are concrete mountains in the city
And pretty city women live inside them.
And yet it seems the city scene is lacking.
I'm so glad you're waiting for me in the country.
Oh you're my ....

Eureka

I was sitting on the toilet reading Friedman's Capitalism and Freedom when I started to think:

I do not matter. My significance in only in my head.

I either overtip or undertip attractive female waitresses. When I am thinking with my dick I overtip. When I am thinking with mind I overcompensate for my superficiality and undertip.

Being happy does not come from the lack of stress, but the ability to react to stress.

We had this saying at Bridgewater, "If he is so damned good, why he is playing D-III. " That is an important statement to keep in mind in life.

I care about things no one else cares about. The only thing I care about is myself. No one else gives a damn.

Whit Stillman's wisdom rings true:
Man at Bar: The acid test is whether you take any pleasure in responding to the question "What do you do?" I can't bear it.
Nick Smith: Rick Von Slonecker is tall, rich, good looking, stupid, dishonest, conceited, a bully, liar, drunk and thief, an egomaniac, and probably psychotic. In short, highly attractive to women.

Society does not stand on trust. Society's foundations are incentives, the whip, sexual desire, religion, and courage. Trust comes secondary.

I will not be afraid. Being afraid is being stupid. I will not be terrorized.

"The Pretender" Tries To Work

He could not be friends with anyone, especially superiors. He was much too arrogant to like somebody that was his boss. He was so afraid to disappoint or fail them. He lay in bed in the morning dreading failure. His stomach ached with failure. He wanted to medicate the pain; he wanted to pacify his mind; he wanted to run to keep from hiding. He wanted.

And that was it. He wanted. He tried to deny wants for so long. He had learned expecting little rarely disappointed. It was the way he lived his life. He scratched his head. He rubbed his face. He decided to let it go, but he could not. He could only pretend.

Things I Learned This Week

1. I am bald. Every time I get a haircut, I get balder. There is nothing I can do about this. It is something I must accept.

2. Everyone should read an English grammar book once a year. English is a complicated but great language.

3. A sexy woman is more dangerous than a good woman. But a woman who is both sexy and good can kill a man without touching him.

4. I am crazy, absolutely fucking crazy. This is another thing I have to accept.

5. All there is in life is right now. The past and future do not matter. (Thank you C.S. Lewis and Jeff.)

6. You cannot be angry all your life.

7. A woman's scent is enough.

8. Everything is going to be okay.


There is this guy who comes to the gym that looks like a cross between Gary Busey, Nick Nolte and Robert Redford. He is 60 years old and carries himself like Gary Busey, Nick Nolte, or Robert Redford. He thinks he is hot shit and gives the impression he might just be.

Today he walks into the gym with a woman half is age. She is somewhat attractive. She looked like the intellectual type. I doubt if anyone had ever told her she was beautiful before the old guy did. They are holding hands and kissing. I am getting sick.

At first I convinced myself the whole thing was a crock. He did not love her. He loved screwing a woman half his age. She thought she was in love, but she was fooling herself. She had fallen for his sophistication and how he always knew what to say.

While we are changing, he starts whistling. Here is a whistling 60 year old man completely naked. After the horror of being in a room where a naked old man was whistling subsided, I decided maybe he was in love. And even if was not, he must be happy.

I thought about the somewhat attractive intellectual changing in the women's locker room. After I quickly forgot the image of her naked body to prevent embarrassing myself, I decided she was probably happy too.

What more can anyone ask for?

Meant To Do This Yesterday

Here is a post from another blog.

The blog's title describes my current stance on economics.

I am a rationalist. I believe in reason. I believe in science. I believe in the scientific method.

But statistics is not science. Economics is not science. Calculus and a special kind of statistics (econometrics) does turn philosophy into science.

Rigor can be overrated. Making something more difficult than it can be is the opposite of science. A basic premise of science is parsimony. Alfred Marshall threw this out of the window. Economics has not recovered.

Things Happen

A colleague got shit on yesterday. Instead of flying off the deep end, instead of blaming the world, instead of tapping out, he decided things happen for a reason. I disagree with his "covered with shit" decisions, but he made me think.

I went to church tonight. It was an uplifting experience.

We started off with a hymn that contained the refrain "I want to be a worker... in the vineyard of the Lord." I want to work. I need work like oxygen. Work is the poor man's Prozac. But you have to do the work you love. It cannot just be a diversion from depression. It has to be fulfilling. It has to build and maintain your confidence. It has to be something you can do well. It has to be you.

The sermon had a two-pronged message. First, do not let the things that do not matter interfere with what matters. As Bruce Hornsby said, "job is to shed light, not to master." Just because a letter is missing does not mean something is of no value. Just because I am not going to be great, does not mean I should kill myself.

The second message (adapted for my audience) was everything is not an empirical question. Free trade is good. Subsides are wrong. That tariffs and subsidies exist says nothing. You cannot win an argument with statistics. Just because something exhibits a chance regularity pattern does not say anything about causation. Evidence cannot trump common sense.

Here is my Email to another colleague who was close to the shitted on colleague:

"The most successful people in academia are assholes. To be a good graduate student, you have to always put yourself first. It isn't about principles or intellectual integrity. It is about taking care of yourself and not worrying about what makes sense.

The only thing I have learned from economics is economists are not needed."

I believe everything I said in that Email. But that says nothing about what I should do. It says nothing about right and wrong.

Things happen, maybe for a reason, maybe not. But it is up to you to decide what to do after they happen.

Best Article I Have Read Lately

Jason Whitlock does it again. He is one of the few guys at ESPN who understands the fine line between professional sports and professional wrestling. He even sounds like a libertarian every now and then.

Mike Lupica and Mitch Albom are sports snobs who are jealous they were not gifted with 4.3 speed or any athletic talent. They take their inadequacies out on athletes.

The Allman Brothers' "Soulshine"

Soulshine
by Warren Haynes
(c) 1995 Sony Music Entertainment Co.
Transcribed by Sean Carpenter

When you can't find the light,
That got you through the cloudy days,
When the stars ain't shinin' bright,
You feel like you've lost you're way,
When those candle lights of home,
Burn so very far away,
Well you got to let your soul shine,
Just like my daddy used to say.

[Chorus]
He used to say soulshine,
It's better than sunshine,
It's better than moonshine,
Damn sure better than rain.
Hey now people don't mind,
We all get this way sometime,
Got to let your soul shine,
shine till the break of day.

I grew up thinkin' that I had it made,
Gonna make it on my own.
Life can take the strongest man,
Make him feel so alone.
Now and then I feel a cold wind,
Blowin' through my achin' bones,
I think back to what my daddy said,
He said "Boy, in the darkness before the dawn:"

[Chorus]
Let your soul shine,
It's better than sunshine,
It's better than moonshine,
Damn sure better than rain.
Yeah now people don't mind,
We all get this way sometimes,
Gotta let your soul shine,
shine till the break of day.

Sometimes a man can feel this emptiness,
Like a woman has robbed him of his very soul.
A woman too, God knows,
she can feel like this.
And when your world seems cold,
you got to let your spirit take control.

[Chorus]
Let your soul shine,
It's better than sunshine,
It's better than moonshine,
Damn sure better than rain.
Lord now people don't mind,
We all get this way sometimes,
Gotta let your soul shine,
shine till the break of day.
Oh, it's better than sunshine,
It's better than moonshine,
Damn sure better than rain.
Yeah now people don't mind,
We all get this way sometimes,
Gotta let your soul shine,
shine till the break of day.

Lyrics That Caught My Ear

"Well my idea of a good time
Is walkin' my property line
And knowin' the mud on my boots is mine"

From The Marshall Tucker Band's "Property Line"
I did not know Marshall Tucker were libertarians.

"When you hang up that phone
Well you cease to exist"

From Fleetwood Mac's "Welcome to the Room Sara"


"If you wrote all the woman's names down I know
And let me pick one out
I don't think there'd be one in the whole bunch
Aw I'd give a hoot about"

From The Marshall Tucker Band's "This Ol' Cowboy"

I am not trying to be a misogynist here.

Relationships cause so much enjoyment and so much pain. Think about how much energy "love" creates and how little anyone knows about "love."

Columbia Market

12:00AM
Rest stop in some Carolina
Old Man doesn't drive but
Doesn't sleep either
Big Man drives
But wants sleep

2:00AM
Time to switch
Old Man will take us in

4:00AM
Red Columbia lights
Sleeping town
Old man revs the engine at every stop
Big man wakes up
"Best deals made before daylight"

7:00AM
Old man looks at every stall
Big man looks too
Neither happy but finally satisfied

9:00AM
Hot as hell
Breakfast in the diner
Old man knows everything
Big man knows almost everything
All I know it is hot

4:30PM
Almost home
Still hot
But we are almost there
Mama missed the exit
But Big Man Doesn't
151 never seemed so long

9:00PM
Truck is empty
Sleeps comes easy

15 years later
I miss those long hot days
I miss the Old Man
The Big Man has become old
All I wanted was to be a man
Now all I want to be is a child
Sitting in the middle
Between the Old Man and the Big Man

But the one thing I learned
From the market
You cannot be a child
When you are tired
When it is hot
You have to keep searching
For the best deal

Eventually you have to load
Get back home
And sell

The market
Will always be hot
You will always be tired
But the best deal awaits

Quote And Questions

"Some of this bullshit is pretty cool." ~Bono speaking about the Zoo TV tour

I have forgotten how fun the bullshit can be.


As an economist do I have to champion the market?

As a libertarian do I have to champion the market?

What is happiness? Is it personal or social? Can I be happy if someone I know is not?

What is good management? How important is performance? Is it all about presentation?

If I was the last person left on Earth, would I be able to survive? Would it be worth it? How would I know I was the last person on Earth?

What is more important arithmetic or calculus?

Sunday Morning

Church (worship) provides discipline and spiritual/intellectual stimulation.

The discipline is like going to football practice. It is something you do not necessarily want to do, but it pays off in the end. Or at least you think it pays off in the end. Discipline is mutual accountability. It is social.

I have neglected this discipline.

The intellectual stimulation is more personal. It is the search for Truth. Most people have a hard time internally creating this search. They require an outside force to make them question their existence. Church provides this force.

I do not have as much of a problem here.

Notice not all churches provide these two things. And church does not have to be the only place where they are provided. But they are required for an individual to be healthy.

"When I First Met You, You Were Larger Than Life"*

I love Wal-Mart as much as one can love a non-living being. Tonight I bought a computer, deli roast beef, sliced sharp cheddar cheese, turkey bacon, sweet Italian sausage, Carolina Pride beef bologna, an extra firm pillow, non-pasteurized apple juice, NABs, a Ghiradelli dark chocolate and expresso bar, whole wheat bagels, and Hershey milk chocolate bars for $551.08. The whole experience almost alleviated my depression. Wal-Mart reaffirms my faith there is a God. I am not even going to let the fact that $25.71 will be wasted in Richmond bother me.

No matter what the poverty expert says, White Hall Vineyards produces a fine Cabernet Franc.

*This line comes from Top Gun. The love interest says it to Tom Cruise's Maverick. It worries me Maverick is what women want. Maverick is a prick. A prick who has a difficult time looking himself in the mirror. A prick who refuses to confront his own inadequacies. Yes, he is confident, but no one is larger than life.

Of course most men have a little Maverick in them, but if these qualities attract women, what does it say about women?

I do not know. The love interest has a PhD in astrophysics, and she still cannot separate lust from love. I mean of all people, Maverick. Maverick chased after the admiral's daughter. Is Maverick ever going to be faithful? Iceman is less of a prick than Maverick.

My Dad has this saying, "If a man knew what was going on in a woman's head, his head would explode. " In other words, I should shut up.

Are People Stupid?

I think people are smart. Most people get through the day. They take care of their needs and move on to their wants. Do they always make the right decision? No. But they learn from bad decisions. They stop touching the stove. They can even watch TV.

Most people I work with think people are stupid. They think they can make better decisions than other people can. For example, left on their own, people will put houses on every square inch of land. They will starve themselves as farm land is converted to subdivisions. People left on their own will commit mass suicide. That is why we need myself and the people I work with. We are all working suicide prevention hotlines "saving humans from themselves."

Sam (who has had some good posts lately) and I discussed this Cafe Hayek post about the current account deficit. Sam says the guy is missing something. In particular US government spending is out of control.

My thoughts on government spending are transparent. Government should not exist must less spend.

But I do not see any problem with the post. Trade is mutually beneficial. People are smart. The Chinese give us consumer goods. We give them safe investments. The Chinese are not stupid. Americans are not stupid. It is give and take. No one is forcing anyone to do anything.

One day Americans might conclude those Chinese goods were bad decisions. The Chinese might see those safe investments were not so safe after all. Everyone will learn from these bad (or good) decisions and move forward with life.

But people will figure it out for themselves without the help of the suicide prevention hotline.

Disappearing Acts And State Vehicles

I am going on a vacation. No one will miss me. No one will care. But I feel the need to post my intentions.

The office has become oppressive. Oppression is not a good thing. It is preventing me from getting through that first practice.

This university has too many state vehicles. This 2005 Ford Explorer has taken up two prime parking spaces for three days. It is ridiculous.

There is no reason that Ford Explorer should have ever been bought. I wonder what my Dad would think about a state official riding in a 2005 Ford Explorer on my Dad's buck, while he was hoping his '86 Chevy pick-up did not break down while hauling a load of apples.

He would not think anything. He would not trade that '86 for any Ford unless it was a diesel F-350. My father is a smart man who gets things done. I am not.

Boredom

My father's work is his life. He loves his family. But work is the reason he gets his tired body out of bed. There might have been a time when work was just a way to get things for his family, but work became his life.

My work is not my life. I have been bored for over a year.

I came to graduate school wanting to change the world. By the Spring of my second year, I knew I could never change the world from graduate school. I saw a bunch of professors who pretended. I saw students who chose to be indifferent and played the game. My ambition slipped into boredom and depression.

I decided there had to be more to life than work. I stay in school under the false pretense it is an investment in my future. But work is not going to be my life. I have given up on excelling or caring. It is not worth it. Like the high schooler who does not fit in with any clique, I will make fun of everyone and still get a degree.

But it will not work. I am pretending too.

The last year has felt like I have been waiting for the first day of football practice. On the first day, you run. You run a lot. No matter how hard you train, the running is hard. It wipes you out. But when you are done with the first day, practice gets easier. You dread the first day for eight months, but the first day comes and goes. No matter how much you puked or how sore your legs are, life progresses.

So I have to get through the first practice. I do not know exactly what that means. It has something to do with caring about what I am doing. It has something to do about making a decision and going "balls to the wall." It has something to do with telling the fear of failure "fuck you." It has something to do about discipline. It has something to do with confidence. It has something to do with happiness.

There has to be a day when boredom ends. There has to be a day when depression ends. Why not today?
(My jackass side wants to say why not tomorrow or next week? Is that my jackass side or is it just me? Stopthink.)

"And If You Want It Just Come And Get It"*

The concept of original sin is bogus. It a Christian cop-out. It is the basis of Christian guilt. It gives evil a moral sanction to exist. It allows imperfection to continue.

I know the difference between right and wrong. I knew it when I was a child. I know it now. I was not born to do wrong. I was born to do right. I have no excuses for doing wrong, none whatsoever.

The Adam and Eve story has been misinterpreted. When Eve ate the apple mankind began. Mankind was given the ability to recognize Truth. We were able to distinguish between right and wrong. We were no longer animals. God did not want us to be animals that is why he created the serpent. Eve eating the apple was the original gift. There was nothing sinful about it. (I am sure theologians will rake me over coals, but frankly, I do not give a damn. I am right.)

An ideal society can exist. All it takes is people doing right. Doing right does not mean sacrificing your talents in the name of a mythical public good. It does not mean maintaining a broken system in the name of the status quo. It does not mean justifying evil by calling it human. Doing right means recognizing one's own greatness and pursuing this greatness. It means being truthful to yourself.

Yes, I went to church this morning. The pastor (she was not a preacher, this church does not believe in preaching) said the same thing I said in "Everyday Low Prices." She said it better, but honestly I doubt if people understood the significance of being real. They will continue to go on mission trips because of vanity. They will continue to ignore the consequences their decisions. I guess it is the 80/20 rule. A preacher can only hope that 20% live his message.

The music still sucks.

*From David Gray's "Babylon." This is a song I would like to sing in church.

Three Good Church Songs Other Than "Babylon":

1. U2's "I Still Haven't Found What I Am Looking For"

2. The Allman Brothers' Band's "Soulshine"

3. Don Henley's "The Heart Of The Matter"

300th Post And Taking The Trash Out

I am still a child. I am petty. I cannot stand someone beating me. When life does not go my way I sulk. My anger sinks into self-pity. I still want superiors and colleagues to recognize my greatness.

My grandfather would say "I was full of shit."

Growing up means shitting. It means throwing away childish emotions like self-pity and jealously. It means progressing. It means you love yourself so much you do not worry about others. It is being happy with yourself morning, noon, and night. It is confidence.

Paul Shirley Describes Academia

I mean the NBA.

I enjoyed my days playing football. Of course, I did not fit in with most of the team. I did not listen to rap or country. I cared about school. But they were a great bunch of guys.

We were a bunch of individuals who sweated together. We were a bunch of angry guys who were angry at different things, but come Friday night or Saturday we were a team.

I do not know what this says about anything. But I said it.

What Am I Doing?

I am a jock. I trust my physical skills. I trust my ability to compete. I am an asshole to those who do not trust.

GGM and I were trying to play basketball yesterday. I am fat, slow, and have turf toe. I cannot run for any length without going into cardiac arrest. I cannot push off my right foot without crying about my toe. My shoulder feels like shit. I can make two out of ten shots when no one is guarding me.

But I convinced myself that GGM and I could take anyone in the gym. Fortunately we did not get into any games.

Later we went to the races. I convinced myself I could be a driver, or at least, run a team.

As I was going to bed, I decided I needed the jock atmosphere to snap out of my doldrums. I could not decide if I needed explicit competition or a coach telling me what to do.

I decided I needed a coach telling me what to do. So I went to church this morning.

My goal for the day was to get my life in order. I wanted a plan. I decided I needed to simplify my life to essentials. With God's help, I was going to be my own coach. I was going to make a schedule and stick to it.

Church was a disaster. It deserves its own post. Most people go to church for the same reason I went this morning, stopthink. They sing bad songs that say very little but say it repeatedly. They listen to sermons without questions. They want someone to tell them what to do. In fact that is what the sermon was about this morning. "Don't do what you think is right. Do what God thinks is right." (I can imagine the NAZIs in Germany saying this to themselves every morning.) But as my roommate told me as I was leaving this morning, "There are a lot of women there (at church)."

I waste the rest of day watching sports and eating hot dogs. I did wash clothes. I postponed planning my life until this evening.

When I got back to the office, I got depressed. There is not competition in the office. There is no coach telling me what to do. I have a shelf full of books and a wall of quotes telling me the futility of planning. The only thing I have learned from Graduate Schools is you cannot plan life. People have control over their lives. But they cannot plan. It is spontaneous order. Things happen. Shit happens. Other things happen. We deal with shit and things.

So here I sit late at night in a depressing office. I am not happy. I have no plans. Instead of dealing with the shit and things, I am just sitting here.

But tomorrow I will make a plan.