I am riding the bus. A girl gets on with a muffin. She cups her hand under her mouth to prevent making a mess. She finishes the muffin. She rides five miles with a handful of crumbs. She does not throw them on the bus floor. She waits until her stop. She empties the crumbs in the grass for birds, squirrels, and decomposition.
She acted beautifully. And I could not find the courage to tell her.
ML told me love was a choice. You decide to love someone. You decide to ignore or forgive their faults. You decide to compromise.
I never believed her. I thought love was magic. Something happened and you woke up next to a wonderful woman for the rest of your life.
I am an idiot. ML is right. The things I want are not magic. They are not unattainable. I want to be challenged. I want to be called an idiot. I want a pat on the back. I want to watch good movies and talk about them afterwards. I want to listen and discuss jazz. I want to be happy.
Colleagues have been telling me I have to make a decision. "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life." I have to start wanting to get out of bed. I have to decide how I want to live.
Unfortunately I am having a difficult time making that decision. But I have to make it. I cannot continue to let beautiful acts go unnoticed.
*John Hiatt's "Paper Thin"
Find Carmen McRae's "The Ballad of Thelonious Monk." Listen to it.
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3 comments:
"You can learn to live with love or without it. But there ain't no cure." From John Hiatt's "Slow Turning"
errr fat, drunk? Looks like you need to work on lots of things, gym gym gym, healthy eating etc. Personally i am not a fan of exercise but i do watch what i eat.
And the drinking? That is no way to go thru life dude.
Work on it. Who is ML? ,past love? Perhaps getting too hung up on this ML?
Be happy with yourself first else you scare people away.
Get out of bed, stare at the mirror and say 'i am goin to be happy today'.
In time you will know what that means.
Take a walk, do some volunteer work, __seeing people in worse positions than ourselves makes us appreciate our lives more.
If you need to talk to someone about personal issues or need help seek some councelling.
"Fat, Drunk and Stupid" comes from the movie Animal House.
I have not drank in a month. I have not been drunk in my life.
You other comments have been pretty poignant and hit close to home. After this one, I am almost convinced you do not know me.
I do appreciate you comments, but it is difficult to judge someone by blog posts. But even if you don't know me, you have certainly made me think.
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