And I decide this lifestyle is not what I want. A beautiful girl is sitting in front of us talking to some bald dude. At first I would have killed to be that bald dude. But the whole scene is fake. No that is not true. The whole scene does not fit me. I am an angry guy who likes to think. No I am not an intellectual, never will (or can) be. But "I ain't no glamour boy; I am fierce."
It is okay to bitch and complain. It is okay to be me. I have been on this kick where I think I am too American-centric. I think I am too serious. But damn it, that is me. Why am I apologizing? Why am I so worried about changing myself? I care. I cannot change that. Don't even want to.
People I respect keep telling me to find something I care about and pursue it. They keep telling me economics needs people like me. Economics needs guys who won't keep their doors open just to get tenure. The profession needs people who care about honesty, not making themselves a buck or intellectual pride. They are right.
Yeah, I am lonely. Yeah, I am depressed. But so what? I am not going to feel better compromising. I am not going to feel better trying to be someone I am not.
I have made some mistakes. All I can do is live and work through those mistakes. I am not going to change the past. And I am not going to change anything worrying about the future.
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7 comments:
Chill out. Why the depressing posts? You will find her when you do, in the mean time have fun. Dont mope about, read interesting books(#1 ladies detective agency), see a play, join a watercolor class or whatever you are interested in. And there you will meet someone.
Enuff with the shyness....set goals for yourself...say every week you will have at least a 1minute conversation with somone you dont know. Male or Female...doesnt matter, it will sort of make you more confident with other people in general
I did not think this was a depressing post. Depressing and honest can get confused.
The shyness is who I am.
The simple fact is I do not like many other people. I study people. Some I write off too soon, but others I grow to appreciate. I cannot change that.
ok then it looks like you will wind up alone, shy and still studying ppl.
I was a shy person..i still am but i realised that ppl are just as shy as i am and hide it.
The interesting thing is you do envy ppl who are more outgoing, so what do you want? You like the way your life is now?
Looks like you arent even willing to change things a little.
Honestly I appreciate your advice. Shyness is a problem I must work through. I thought about your comment, and I decided you have a legitimate point. I think "envy" is a pretty harsh word, but it might not be inappropriate.
I am very curious to know who you are. In fact, I must know who you are or I am going to explode.
I just finished Diary by Chuck Palahniuk. I cannot paint.
Alright, you have to tell me who you are. You are seriously going to cause me to have a breakdown.
Please read this by morning.
As per your instructions--i have read your post.
----and sorry, I will remain anon.
So did you say hello to someone new today?
Other interesting books to read:
-The river between
-The clockwork orange
I probably won't be leaving anymore posts, but I will check your blog now and then.
Is "as per your instructions" a hint at your identity? I don't remember writing anything about reading the blog. It might have been implicit, but unless you have a degree in pyschology you could not have figured that out.
You do not have to tell me who you are, but do you know me?
I cannot tell. You cut pretty deep on somethings. But on other things you are a little off base.
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