"Everybody Has A Reason To Begin Again" From Springsteen's "Long Walk Home"

I play basketball with these kids. I let the kids shoot instead of me. If I get the rebound, I pass the ball to a kid. I rarely shoot.

Most of the kids go home. Some kids stay behind. These kids tell me I am too nice. They say this is the root of my problems with the opposite sex. I tell them that I have no problems with the opposite sex. I tell them that the opposite sex is crazy anyway.

The some kids leave. I am alone with my thoughts. I freak. Maybe the kids are right. Maybe I am too nice. But my high school football coach called me the dirtiest player he ever coached. I once held a guy by his practice jersey, choking him, so he would not hit the quarterback. My favorite thing was to get under a guys pads and pinch him. I was an effective crotch blocker. But you know what: maybe I am too nice.

It is the difference between perception and intention. I pass the basketball to the kids, because I want them to feel included. I want them to feel accepted. I could not stand feeling "left out." I spent a significant portion of my life feeling different and outside of the main clique. That is a lonely and stupid feeling. I have seen too many parents and possible mentors indifferent to that feeling. I have seen that loneliness perpetuated by indifference. I do not want to be part of that perpetuation. I pass the ball to the kids, because I want to pass it to them. I would rather see them shoot and play together than shoot myself. It has to do with teaching. It has nothing to do with niceness.

But that is not what the kids saw. They are just kids. But in some ways I failed as a teacher. In some ways, I was just as bad as the indifferent mentors and parents.

When you try to teach others, you learn about yourself. It is not what I can do for the kids; it is what the kids can do for me. This sounds strange and mixed-up, but at the end of the day, a mentor or a parent is only as good as his kids' perceptions. (An author is defined by his readers.) And perceptions have very little to do with intentions.