This morning all I could think about was the robots, professors and students who could not grasp the situation. People who would bury themselves in their meaningless work just to do something. Everyone grieves in different ways, but I know some people who will use this time to further themselves. I am afraid of a professor taking me or another student to task for not have some assignment done. I do not like the feeling that I have to be working during these next few days to compete with classmates. I do not like the feeling that I have to keep pushing to further my career. We have to reflect on the events of the day. We have to stay awake. We have to feel. I am afraid many of the people that surround me have trained themselves not to feel.
By midday with the help of GGM, ML, Sam, and Jeff, I started to see that my post from yesterday written before I knew exactly what happened still held some relevance. There is no use to drown in grief. You have to recognize it, but that does not mean it can conquer you.
The convocation and vigil helped put more things in perspective. It is okay to be angry. It is okay to be hurting. But it is also okay to be alive. It is okay to worry about myself. It is okay for life to slowly but surely move forward.
But it is and will be hard.
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2 comments:
I know this is hard to do, especially given the circumstances, but for your own sake - don't worry about what you can't change. It's because of people going through the motions that life gets fucked up. To borrow from the great Paul Mooney - fuck the bullshit.
If your professors can't understand that you're greiving fuck them, seriously. I'm over 200 miles away and I'm hurting like I haven't hurt in a long, long time. Like I told my "bosses" this morning - I'm on a new playing field, the playing field of life and living. Do what you want and fuck the rest. People have two choices - understand and honor or get bent.
I'm glad that you're (physically) ok. I can't imagine a world without you gangsta.
I cannot imagine a world without you either.
I saw a professor in the hall today, and he cleared things up: "We might meet next week. And we might not. Right now I do not know and do not care."
I heard a Thomas Jefferson quote this morning that basically said grief took time. That is the way I feel now. I can still do the basic things, but those other things will take time.
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