Manifesto On Grading Or Fuck You Doc

(I wrote this two years ago.)

Student:
There are a number of reasons I consider the illusion of objective grading to be an anathema against both economics as a discipline and humanity in general. The problems that underlay the grading illusion are the same problems that have ruined the world for the past hundred years or so. Quite simply, we have bred laziness and conformity into every student who has made the unfortunate mistake to think higher education could set them free.

First of all, the illusion of objectivity has strangled the philosophy and art out of the economics and education in general. In its wake, it has left a stale quagmire. A student who gets a half of a point deducted because he forgot a ‘key word’ but excelled in other aspects that transcended the problem will find it hard to excel in the next homework. There is nothing more disheartening than missing points on a homework assignment for a minute detail that had no bearing on the big picture. It forces the student to concentrate on ‘key words’ and not deeper meanings. It forces the student to become a drone, because his good work is never fully appreciated.

This situation leads directly to the second failure of objective grading. Students are led to conform. Those students who concentrate on the ‘key words’ are rewarded not only by higher grades, but they are heralded as economics’ most important adjective, efficient. These efficient students become the model of academia. If no one appreciates the long road, everyone travels the interstate. But without the long road, life is a wonderfully dull. Scenic shortcuts are never found. The beauty of the forest is missed for diseased trees.

The third failure might be the most significant. It creates a God complex in the sad professor. It is an unwritten rule all professors must give homework. But there is also another rule that no professor must spend any time grading homework. Again the result is ‘key word’ homework that can be graded without too much examination, but economics does not offer opportunity for ‘key word’ homework. In every economic question there is a degree of philosophy, a degree of debate. But the grader is God. He is the Almighty. He is omnipotent. He has all of the answers. Any dissent must be quashed like an invasion of cock roaches. This God complex might not completely radiate from the professor, but the student must sense it. We all want to please our God; the student builds himself in his professor’s image.

I could continue. But at this point it is clear these three failures repeat and replicate. Students quickly learn effort is only rewarded when it creates ‘key words,’ so they mold into ‘key word’ economists, leave the economics program with a yearning for something more and a disdain for economics, or they kill themselves in the sight of a profession encompassed by futility. They turn in homework that took them hours and see it graded within minutes without feedback. They see points taken off without any qualitative explanation. They find out rapidly that arguing is frowned upon. They might even be told that ‘homework is not important,’ even though it is the vast majority of the communication between professor and student. Sometimes this statement is implicit by making it such a small portion of the grade that statistically it cannot matter or by the delegation of grading to God’s right-hand man, the TA.

Now in this sad state of affairs, we sit and wait. Sometimes we hope somebody does something to correct the problems, something to alleviate the pain we feel in our stomachs. But we also know we must keep that rebel on the outskirts, because our training and expertise would be washed away like bleach quenches the stench of a raunchy trash can. The public would recognize our fraudulent behavior and prosecute us to the fullest extent of the law. They might even force us to become productive to society. We might have to work to earn our keep.

Professor:
So my ignorant student, what do you propose? I bet you are like that glut Michael Moore who can complain and montage but has no answers. At least we try to formulate answers, and we even add objective numbers to support our claims. You cry about an ‘illusion of objectivity’ my ill-bred student but what is your counter-offer?

Student:
My answer is quite simple. It is to forget the fake and emphasize the real.

Professor:
Oh my poor boy, this statement makes no sense.

Student:
But it does make sense Professor. See, we do agree on one point. There is Truth in the world, and we both were sent here to find it. You have just taken the wrong path. The Truth is people are smart. They think, feel, and even have the ability to watch TV. There is no use to pull this veil of objectivity over their eyes. They can see through it, but like to let you think you are powerful. Let’s make grades like the purest thing in a world, a market. You assign a grade not based on some point system you deemed adequate, but on the grade they deserve in your humble, and I emphasize humble, opinion. Grade them on their effort. Write comments and questions that make them think. You can even make them cryptic or harsh, because you will not be dealing with the idiot drones you are used to. Grading will begin to match the discovery process previously only found in our beloved markets. These new students will think not about meaningless details but about the life they want. And when they complain, let them argue, let them negotiate for grades, give them second chances, let them live life free. Forget the illusion of objectivity and embrace the fact that you are a man and capable of mistakes just like the student, emphasize reality. Tell your students the Truth, and then maybe they will respond with greater Truth.

Professor:
Oh my ignorant son, you see I don’t care. In fact, I wasn’t even talking to you. I was talking to my brother professor over there. You don’t scare me. You are just a rebel on the outskirts. I’ll shoot you down and make you convert. Or, you will run away to your beloved forest. And, I do love those forest people, because they are the dupes that pay my salary.